Finishing the sentence III

Here's another unfinished sentence I created for my notebook, ROAM (Remnants Of Abstract Minds.)  The responses it elicited in 1992 are especially apropos now, I think:

One promise that aspiring political leaders often make but seldom fulfill is...

..."I won't lie to you." (Chip C.)

..."I can solve your problems.  I care."  (Lies...Lies...Lies...) (Kathy P.)

..."I promise to get the rabid gerbil population under control if it takes playing golf 24 hours a day to do it!" (Eric S.)

..."I have a plan to benefit all of us if you will give me the chance and the time and the money to prove it to you.  Also, if other political power-people would not buck me on this, we can all be feasting on the golden calf by the next election." (Lee F.)

..."We need to come together as a people, so if you help me, I'll help you."  Bull---- from white politicians who "think" they need the black vote.  They only want that vote when the race is close. (Paris A.)

...that new politicians always claim they know the system (and) will play the system but aren't part of the system.  Just plain old guys, they say!  (David H.)

Finishing the sentence II

In yesterday's post, I wrote about the creative writing notebook I kept during high school, college, and thereafter.  On rare occasions, when one of my unfinished sentences elicited a lot of interesting or amusing responses, I would repeat it.  In the early '90s, I did that with this sentence and elicited these responses:

The second spontaneous thought in my mind right now is...

..."I live my life according to too many rules." (Roberta M.)

..."Why do all gumball machines have acorns printed on the little metal flap where the gum comes out?" (Cathy N.)

..."Should I?" (Jenni S.)

...to find a couple of male acquaintances and choreograph a rip-roaring tap dance to perform in a street somewhere. (Becky B.)

..."God, Becky B. has clean fantasies!" (Miranda G.)

..."I can't use that.  That's my first spontaneous thought." (Dan L.)

..."Feel life!" (Tony C.)

..."I'm very chronically happy for no reason." (Lisa M.)

..."My social circle is a vicious one, too." (Bob D.)

Finishing the sentence

In high school, college, and occasionally thereafter, I kept an ongoing creative writing notebook.  I called its early incarnations SUPALOCAN (Sarcasm Unlimited Plus A Lot Of Cynicism And Nonsense) but later changed its name to ROAM (Remnants Of Abstract Minds.)  Its main feature was "Finish The Sentence."  I would create an unfinished sentence and ask participants, whom I usually knew pretty well, to sign their names and complete the sentence.  I especially like the answers this sentence elicited in 1993.  Each contributor's first name and last name initial is indicated in parentheses:

Looking back on it now...

...I should have zigged instead of zagged. (Cathy N.)

...I should have mentioned that I didn't want to get involved. (David R.)

...I should have had a V8. (Chip C.)

...I realize I didn't need tap dancing lessons.  It's not that hard. (Amy S.)

...means I'll trip on my feet later. (Tre B.)

...I think I should have stayed in the womb. (Liz F.)

"HERE'S HOW YOU REGISTER FOR CLASSES!!!"

With a new semester looming, freshmen, sophomores, and juniors at my high school had to register for classes.  Before they could do that, however, students were divided into groups.  Each group was to report to an assigned teacher, so (s)he could give us the course description books and allow us to fill out our schedule requests for the next term. 

Without sounding mean or rude, Mr. K. began the course advisement session by shouting, "I HAVE THE COURSE DESCRIPTION BOOKS!!!  I WILL PASS THEM OUT, AND WE WILL GO THROUGH THEM!!!"

"He doesn't sound angry," I thought, "but why is he speaking three times louder than he needs to?"

Then, it dawned on me.  He was a typing teacher.  Usually, when he spoke, he had to shout over 20 to 30 students banging on keys.  Still, even during a session when no one was typing, his default speaking voice still rivaled Billy Mays pitching Orange Glo.

I got to hear that bellow the next year, when I took his class.  He never sounded cross, but I often thought, "I doubt any fast food drive-through worker ever complained about not being able to hear his order."

Tilting the world

During my appointment with the dysphonia doctor today, the nurse thanked me for agreeing to move my appointment to a later time.

"You're welcome," I replied.  "This worked out better for me, as well.  I've never seen the waiting room so empty before."  As an afterthought, I added, "It's unreasonable for anyone to expect the world to revolve around him or her.  Expecting it to tilt slightly in one's direction every once in a while isn't so unreasonable, however."

When the doctor finished giving me my shot, he said, "I hope the world continues to tilt slightly in your direction." 

"Thank you," I said.  "Here's hoping it tilts slightly in your direction, as well--and yours," I said, turning to the nurse.

There's nothing like sincere, reciprocal good wishes.

"I'm understated, too!"

A former supervisor once told me about a resignation note he received.  I call it a note instead of a letter because it consisted of just two words, one of which was misspelled.  The employee had intended to write "I quit."  Instead, he'd inexplicably written "I quiet."

"So, what do you think?" the boss asked.  "Does that count as a resignation?"

According to him, the employee gave him the note while saying angrily, "This is for you!"  The intention was clear.  Technically, however...

Staying positive, despite a turbulent stomach

Several years ago, as I was buying groceries, a clerk and I talked about food poisoning experiences we'd had.  One such story of his didn't end the way I would have predicted.  He began, "My church group went on a retreat, and we stopped at (a sandwich shop.)  We all got sick after we ate there."

You'd probably expect, as I did, for the clerk to follow up with "That was sure uncomfortable," or "I haven't eaten there since then."  Instead, he continued, "It just goes to show what a perfect system God created.  There's always a release."

Talk about looking on the bright side.  You just don't expect a story about stomach trouble to take a turn for the divine.