Watchcat protocol CCXXXV

As Watchcat Lily illustrated two days ago, just because a watchcat is relaxed enough to allow her guardian to pet her doesn't mean she isn't monitoring her assigned sector:

Watchcat protocol CCXXXIV

Sometimes, Watchcat Headquarters assigns a watchcat to guard a watchmouse.  While some might question the inherent conflict there, watchcats take this duty seriously.  Watchcat Sylvia showed her professionalism in this regard just a few days ago:

Watchcat protocol CCXXXIII

Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's expected that a watchcat will have to scratch an itch every now and then.  Watchcats are expected to keep an eye on their surroundings in such cases, however:

April 28, 2019: Watchcat Lily scratches an itch while keeping one eye focused on her assigned sector.

A linguistic irritant LXXXII

A well-placed "Ahem" when someone has been unintentionally impolite is understandable, but it's best used sparingly.  Used too often, it sounds pretentious and archaic.

Watchcat protocol CCXXXII

It seemed odd that Watchcat Headquarters stationed Watchcat Sammy behind a chair in April 2006, but Sammy assured me that the powers that be had their reasons:

Watchcat protocol CCXXXI

A watchcat may strike a relaxed pose, but that doesn't mean she isn't watching you:

April 22, 2019: Watchcat Lily, looking relaxed yet guarded.

Watchcat protocol CCXXX

Watchcat Headquarters won't release all of the details, but some of its watchcats are on a covert, undercover mission.  Undercover is apparently a relative term, however:

April 24, 2019: Watchcat Sylvia works out the bugs of an undercover assignment.

A linguistic irritant LXXXI

Why just say something when you can release a statement instead?  Politicians and CEOs are notorious for this.  My cat, Sylvia, even got carried away once when I drew the line at giving her a ninth drink of water from the kitchen faucet in six hours.  Her publicist handed me the statement.  I told Sylvia that releasing a statement was heavy-handed when she could just explain her plight to me.  Since then, she has lobbied me with occasionally stern meows, and I've given her the water she requests.  We're both reasonable that way, and neither of us have released any statements since then.

Watchcat protocol CCXXIX

When you're keeping a new exhibit under wraps until its scheduled debut at your gallery, you'll need a watchcat to guard it:

October 2004: Watchcat Sammy makes sure no unauthorized visitors see a new exhibit before it's unveiled to the public.

Watchcat protocol CCXXVIII (Easter edition)

Four Easters ago, Watchcat Sylvia asked the Easter Bunny to double as a watchrabbit backup after he'd finished delivering eggs and candy.  He complied kindly:

April 2015: Watchcat Sylvia and her Easter Bunny watchrabbit backup keep an eye on the living room.

A fitting time to clap

Conventional wisdom is that you don't applaud at Mass; glory is supposed to go to God.  I thought it was refreshing, however, at the end of an Easter vigil mass I watched online for the priest to thank the choir and its director, the lectors, and Mass servers.  The congregation applauded after each thank you, which I thought was appropriate.  Why not acknowledge those who helped make Mass--and the church itself--a welcoming experience?

Watchcat protocol CCXXVII

Sometimes, a watchcat will tell you that she needs a backup watchmouse.  Trust her judgment:

April 19, 2019: Watchcat Lily and her watchmouse keep tabs on some suspicious plumbing.

A linguistic irritant LXXX

Why does anyone punctuate advice they've given with "Just sayin'?"  Has anyone ever responded, "Oh, you're just sayin'.  Your advice makes more sense to me now, and I'm thankful for it?"

Watchcat protocol CCXXVI

Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's permissible to meow for backup when necessary:

Spring 2011: Watchcat Rosie requests Watchcat Sammy's assistance on guard duty.

Watchbird protocol II

Per Watchbird Headquarters, it's permissible to build a nest, provided at least one out of two watchbirds is monitoring the assigned property:

March 20, 2019: One watchbird keeps an eye on the property while the other watchbird gathers material for a nest.

Watchcat protocol CCXXV

Provided they don't stop watching their surroundings, at least peripherally, it's permissible for watchcats to wash their fur while on duty:

April 2008: Watchcat Nemo takes a quick break to wash his fur.

Watchcat protocol CCXXIV

Need someone to watch your clothesline?  Trust your watchcat:

Spring 2009: Watchcat Sylvia keeps an eye on recently watched clothes.

Watchcat protocol CCXXIII

You can rest comfortably knowing that your watchcat and her backup watchtiger are guarding your property:

Spring 2009: Watchcat Sylvia and her Mizzou tiger sidekick keep watch in the living room.

Watchcat protocol CCXXII

As a watchcat, you never know what hurdles you might have to scale.  To stay sharp, watchcats periodically test their agility:

Spring 2009: Watchcat Nemo attempts to scale a slumber ball.

A linguistic irritant LXXIX

When it's necessary to convey that I know what I'm talking about, I never use the phrase, "I'll have you know..."  While that's only a minor point in my favor, I think it's considerate.  When has anyone ever said or even thought, "That was a really convincing point (s)he made.  It must have been, because the speaker had me know that it was and was justifiably haughty when telling me?"

Watchcat protocol CCXXI

While on duty, a watchcat is advised to look attentive:

During a break, however, it's fine to relax while another watchcat takes over:

Watchcat Rosie exhibited both qualities at their appropriate times in April 2013.

Watchcat protocol CCXX

A watchcat must be able to crouch under chairs when necessary, in order to spot intruders:

Summer 2003: Watchcat Sammy crouches beneath a rocking chair to monitor intruders.

Watchcat protocol CCXIX

Prevent others from walking off with your plastic bag; ask a watchcat to guard it:

July 2011: Watchcat Sylvia sits on a plastic bag to prevent intruders from taking it.

Watchcat protocol CCXVIII

A deft watchcat uses the edge of a sofa as a guard post.  It's a good place from which to monitor one's assigned sector:

March 2003: Watchcat Rosie, using the edge of the sofa as her guard post.

Watchcat protocol CCXVII

Need to make sure your groceries are safe for consumption?  Ask a watchcat to inspect them:

May 2008: Watchcat Nemo inspects the contents of a plastic grocery bag.

Watchcat protocol CCXVI

In June 2007, Watchcat Headquarters sent one of its chief watchcats to ask Rosie and Sammy how their watchcat assignments were going:

Rosie and Sammy responded, "Why, yes, we are doing our jobs.  We're guarding these shoes."  Their distaste at being asked about this, however, showed on their faces:

Watchcat protocol CCXV

Even at the vet's office, a watchcat can still survey her surroundings:

April 4, 2019: Watchcat Lily doesn't let being in a cat carrier stop her from monitoring her immediate area.

A linguistic irritant LXXVIII

When did referring to a vocation or activity as "my jam" start?  (i.e. "Painting is my jam.")  Why not refer to a hobby as a hobby, a job as a job, and a passion as a passion?  I hear the phrase, "my jam," and I think of strawberry jam on toast or a long guitar solo.  As my blogs illustrate, I enjoy creative writing.  I've never referred to it as my jam, though, and don't plan to.

Watchcat protocol CCXIV

Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's permissible for an experienced, alert watchcat to use the kitchen sink as a guard post, even when drinking from the faucet.  After all, a veteran watchcat knows how to multitask:

April 2, 2019: Watchcat Sylvia laps up water while keeping an eye on the kitchen.  In honor of her resourcefulness, let's sing Beck's "Where It's At," with these altered lyrics:

"Where it's at!
I got fresh tap water in a kitchen sink.
Where it's at!..."

Watchcat protocol CCXIII

When you're a watchcat, you use the tools you have in your arsenal to ward off intruders:

April 2006: Watchcat Rosie banks on her piercing stare being enough to prevent intruders from proceeding any further.