Watchcat protocol CCLXI

Watchcat Rosie passed the Watchcat Headquarters test in May 2006.  Someone tried to distract her with a Cat Dancer toy, but she kept right on watching her assigned sector:

Watchcat protocol CCLX

When a watchcat has been on the job for a while, expect him to reassure you now and then.  While he won't likely say it in English, his face will convey the attitude, "Why, yes, I'm not only looking out for you but for the neighborhood, as well.  It's quite the responsibility, being a watchcat, you know."  Watchcat Sammy made this clear in November 2003:

Watchcat protocol CCLIX

It's unusual for a watchcat to have a miniature tiger backup, but Sylvia did.  She protected it with all of her might in July 2008:

That's what watchcats do.  They watch out for each other.

Watchcat protocol CCLVIII

Watchcat Sammy was a bit puzzled when Watchcat Headquarters asked him to guard a shoe and a bag of about-to-be-recycled newspapers.  Nevertheless, he carried out his assignment in Summer 2006:

Watchcat protocol CCLVII

Sometimes, it's advisable for watchcats to mesh with their surroundings:

Spring 2004: Watchcat Rosie does her best to blend in with the animals and pillow.

Watchcat protocol CCLVI

If you're a watchcat's trusted guardian, be sure to ask your watchcat for feedback periodically. After all, no one knows a watchcat's job better than the watchcat herself:

May 26, 2019: Watchcat Lily tells her guardian how the job is going.

Watchcat protocol CCLV

Just because a watchcat's cat toy looks soft and fuzzy doesn't mean it can't be used as a weapon, if needed:

May 2013: Watchcat Sammy protects his cat toy/weapon.

Watchcat protocol CCLIV

Watchcat Sylvia assured me in 2012 that she could still carry out her guard duties despite being curled up in a cat bed.  She told me she could still leap up when needed to confront an intruder and had a backup watchmouse on hand, for good measure.  I couldn't argue with that:

Watchcat protocol CCLIII

Even while posing for her official watchcat photo ID badge today, Lily still kept her eyes on the photographer:

That's a hallmark of a good watchcat.

Watchcat protocol CCLII

While it isn't advisable to brag, it's reasonable to pause every once in a while and congratulate yourself for a job well done:

March 2003: Watchcat Rosie conveys the attitude, "I'm doing my job well, and I won't entertain any debate about it."

Watchcat protocol CCLI

Sometimes, watchcats must work under less than ideal conditions.  In June 2006, getting tangled up in an apron did not stop Rosie from carrying out her watchcat duties.  She was reliable that way:

Watchcat protocol CCL

I'm not sure why watchcats do this, but Watchcat Headquarters requires them to check the shoelaces of anyone who enters their sector:

If something strikes the watchcat as suspicious, she'll either use a walkie-talkie or yowl for a backup watchcat to check things out:

Fortunately, in Spring 2011, the backup watchcat, Sammy, convinced the on-duty watchcat, Rosie, that the visitor posed no threat.

Watchcat protocol CCXLIX

Need watchcats to guard your music collection?  Try the two-tiered system.  Station one watchcat on a stool by the upper levels of your music library:

Station another watchcat by the lower levels:

Watchcats Rosie and Sammy tried this technique in May 2003.

Watchsquirrel protocol

While a watchcat is on break, Watchcat Headquarters permits a watchsquirrel to fill in.  This watchsquirrel was up to the task in July 2004:

Watchcat protocol CCXLVIII

Occasionally, Watchcat Headquarters rules clash with household rules.  Per house rules, Watchcat Rosie wasn't allowed on the table with the decorative lamp.  Watchcat Headquarters, however, assigned her to guard that lamp using the table as her post in 2009.  What did she do?  Her decision probably won't surprise you:

Watchcat protocol CCXLVII

Sometimes, you have to show potential intruders that you're tough.  (Admittedly, it helps when a trusted guardian is nearby.)  Watchcat Lily picked up on this and displayed her toughness earlier this month:

Watchcat protocol CCXLVI

Be sure to reward your watchcat for a job well done.  For Watchcat Sylvia, there's nothing like the reward of water from the kitchen faucet--even when it gets in her fur:

April 2019: Watchcat Sylvia savors the anticipation of the tap water she's about to drink.  Note the gleam in her eye.

Watchcat protocol CCXLV

Need to make sure your fan is working?  Ask watchcats to test it:

May 2003: Watchcats Rosie and Sammy make sure a fan is working properly.

Watchcat protocol CCXLIV

It's important for a watchcat to project confidence, even when relaxed:

October 2010: Watchcat Sylvia, looking relaxed and confident about her watchcat abilities.

Watchcat protocol CCXLIII

This month, new watchcat Lily has been learning to multitask.  She allows a trusted human to pet her while also keeping tabs on a watchmouse:

Watchcat protocol CCXLII

Per Watchcat Headquarters, a watchcat must inspect his proxy doppelganger to make sure it's not a decoy:

October 2012: Watchcat Nemo confirms that his backup is the real Proxy Nemo.

A linguistic irritant LXXXIII

When I hear someone say, "Between you, me, and the lamppost...," I think, "Taking quite a risk there, aren't you?  Wouldn't it be better to just keep the confidential information to yourself?"  Besides, these days, the lamppost might be recording your conversation.

Praise to whom it's due

You know your cat has made a positive impression on the animal hospital's staff when the front desk worker pages a vet tech with the news, "Sweet little Sylvia's here."

I know that's perfectly accurate, and after two years of multiple appointments each week, all the more commendable of my cat.

Watchcat protocol CCXLI

I'm not sure what threat this apron posed, but Watchcat Rosie assured me in Spring 2008 that she needed to conquer it:

I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Watchcat protocol CCXL

It's possible to be alert yet comfortable during one's watchcat duties:

July 2015: Watchcat Sylvia adopts a comfortable pose on a comforter.

Watchcat protocol CCXXXIX

Watchcat Lily poured drain cleaner into the bathroom sink to unclog it last month.  She then checked to make sure the pipes sounded OK when the sink was used.  This is yet another benefit watchcats offer:

Truth in advertising? XXX

When I was 16, I was about to leave the hall after an orchestra rehearsal.  Another orchestra member around my age said, "When I get home, I'm going to take--What's that medicine that promotes coating and soothing?"  "Pepto-Bismol," I replied.

Pepto-Bismol does coat and soothe, as promised.  It shows how influential advertising is, though, that at 16, I wasn't sure of my own blood type but knew Pepto-Bismol's benefits.

Watchcat protocol CCXXXVIII

Sometimes, being a watchcat requires one to look tough and menacing:

Watchcat Nemo had these requirements down in the Summer of 2008.

Watchcat protocol CCXXXVII

I'm not sure why Watchcat Headquarters would station one of its watchcats under a bed, but I'm sure there's a reason:

May 2, 2019: Watchcat Lily guards her assigned sector from under the bed, per instructions.

Truth in advertising? XXIX

I think I'll pass on the five-meat pizza from one chain here.  Aside from the health and animal welfare considerations, the chain's commercials show passers-by marveling at all the meat on the pizza and then collapsing to the ground.

I don't need that on my conscience.

Watchcat protocol CCXXXVI

Per Watchcat Lily, you may pet her and photograph her, within reason, as long as you don't distract her from watching her assigned sector: