Watchcat protocol DXXIII

Thought you'd walk off with a grocery bag?  "Think again," says Watchcat Collette:

Watchcat Collette kept tabs on a grocery bag yesterday by using it as her guard post.

Watchcat protocol DXXII

I know these expressions.  They're the expressions of two watchcats who believe intruders don't stand a chance against them:

Spring 2016: Proxy Nemo and Nemo, displaying confidence on guard duty.

Watchcat protocol DXXI

Sometimes, as a watchcat, your backup watchbird will spot an interloper you didn't see.  Following up on the incident will take three steps.  First, approach the watchbird:

Next, allow the watchbird to get comfortable, and then ask about the intruder:

Finally, commend the watchbird for a job well done:

This was Watchcat Sylvia's procedure with her backup blue jay watchbird in Spring 2014.

Watchcat protocol DXX

Watchcat guard duties sometimes involve focusing on a small, isolated object:

2009: I'm not sure what Watchcats Sammy and Rosie saw, but something, perhaps a small bug, captured their attention.

A linguistic irritant CIII

Often, when journalists and politicians report on people's economic struggles, they mention the difficulty of "putting food on the table."  Why not just say, "It's difficult for people to afford food," or "It's difficult for people to feed their families (or themselves?)"  People already know food is usually eaten on a table.

Watchcat protocol DXIX

As Watchcat Sammy started his nap break in November 2002, Watchcat Rosie took command of guard duty.  In this photo, she's meowing, "Halt!  Who goes there?!" to a visitor:

At least, that's how I remember it.

Watchcat protocol DXVIII

Every now and then, it's fine for a watchcat to convey the attitude, "I'm doing my guard duty, and I'm doing it well."  Watchcat Lily illustrated this on April 15, 2020:

Watchcat protocol DXVII

Expect a dedicated watchcat to convey the attitude, "You may pet me as long as it doesn't obstruct my view during guard duty."  Watchcat Lily illustrated this responsible view on April 15, 2020:

Watchcat protocol DXVI

I don't know what the vacuum cleaner said or did to elicit a bite from Watchcat Collette yesterday, but Watchcat Headquarters assures me Collette's reaction was justified:

Presumably, her subtle yet triumphant expression after subduing the vicious vacuum was also warranted:

A linguistic irritant CII

It irks me slightly when I hear people being told that they're "good to have around."  Good to have around?  Why not just say, "I like (or appreciate) this about you?"  "Good to have around" might be intended as a compliment, but it's more appropriately applied to a bandage or a can opener.  People aren't appliances that exist solely for one's convenience.

A linguistic irritant CI

Why does anyone refer to a pen as an ink pen?  I've never referred to a pencil as a lead pencil or a crayon as a wax crayon.  Why is it necessary for people to spell out that a pen uses ink?

I've tried to think about deeper things during this pandemic, but every now and then, a petty quibble like this enters my mind.  Truthfully, it's kind of a relief.

Watchcat protocol DXV

A watchcat has to know when to say to a visitor, "Hold on just a minute there!"  Watchcat Sylvia exemplified this in 2014:

Watchcat protocol DXIV

It's important to keep up with the news.  Thus, Watchcat Headquarters prevents guardians from recycling newspapers until their watchcats have read them:

June 2011: Watchcat Sylvia keeps her paws firmly on the newspapers.  After all, watchcats, like people, have a right to stay informed.

Watchcat protocol DXIII

Sometimes, the watchcats might be a bit fatigued.  As long as both of them still keep their eyes open, however, they can still be effective security guards:

May 2007: Watchcats Rosie and Sammy were starting to nod off, but they still carried out their guard duties responsibly.

Watchcat protocol DXII

You never know when a watchcat might be observing you.  Sometimes, a watchcat's guard post isn't so obvious:

August 2019: Partially concealed Watchcat Lily.

Watchcat protocol DXI

No regulation says a watchcat's guard post has to be a bed of nails.  As long as the watchcat does his job, it's fine for the guard station to be comfortable:

Summer 2015: Watchcat Sammy relaxes at his guard post.

Watchcat protocol DX

While on guard duty, a watchcat has to know when to be skeptical.  On a Summer day in 2012, for instance, Watchcat Rosie used her eyes to tell a visitor, "You say you have official business here?  Right...A likely story..." At least, that's how she told it:

Watchcat protocol DIX

Who knew that a dragonfly could serve as an oracle?  It does, apparently, so Watchcat Sylvia consulted it for security advice in Spring 2016:

Watchrabbit protocol II

Need a responsible crew to monitor the ivy on your trellis?  Hire some watchrabbits:

March 2005: Watchrabbits look after their assigned ivy at my parents' house cheerfully.

Watchcat protocol DVIII

Is that a shoe or something more sinister?  Watchcat Collette bravely investigated this today, using the time-tested paw-in-the-shoe method:

Luckily, in this case, it was just a shoe.

Watchcat protocol DVII

Watchcat Sylvia had a decent guard post in November 2012.  She had music to listen to, calendar pages to read, and a means of checking the weather.  These perks didn't detract from her taking her guard duties seriously:

Watchcat protocol DVI

During guard duty, a watchcat must resist the allure of a cat toy:

May 2013: Despite the temptation of a dangling cat toy, Watchcat Rosie keeps watching her assigned sector.

Watchcat protocol DV

An experienced watchcat can offer a less experienced watchanimal reassurance.  In Spring 2012, Watchcat Nemo assured his backup watchsea lion that guard duty would go well and that a backup watchmouse was ready to step in, if needed:

Watchcat protocol DIV

The essence of a watchcat's message to anyone who enters her assigned sector is, "I've got my eyes on you."  There was no doubt of that when Watchcat Rosie was on duty in May 2012:

Watchcat protocol DIII

Whenever an intruder invaded her assigned sector, Watchcat Headquarters authorized Watchcat Sylvia to dole out what are known in security circles as the iron claws of justice.  Don't ask:

Summer 2009: Watchcat Sylvia and her at the ready claws.

Watchcat protocol DII

It's permissible to brush a watchcat, as long as the view from at least one of his eyes is unobstructed:

December 2016: Watchcat Sammy keeps one of two eyes on his assigned sector while being brushed.

Watchcat protocol DI

You've got your backup watchmice.  You've got your kick toy weapons.  You've got an attitude that says, "No one gets past me."  You're ready for watchcat guard duty:

2013: Watchcat Sammy and his watchmice are on guard.

Watchcat protocol D

Want to make sure no one absconds with your record collection?  Ask a watchcat to guard your albums:

April 1, 2020: Watchcat Collette makes sure that only she and I can play my records.  I hadn't realized that when Watchcat Headquarters assigned her to record guard duty, she'd be sitting on top of the albums.

Watchcat protocol CDXCIX

If Watchcat Headquarters assigns it, watchcats will monitor their assigned sector's yard through the living room window:

It's understandable, then, that a watchcat might look at you as if to say, "You realize what a service this is, don't you?"  Watchcat Collette conveyed this question wordlessly yesterday:

Watchcat protocol CDXCVIII

Although it's not as imposing as a bayonet, Watchcat Headquarters assured Watchcat Collette and me that the pink mouse bell toy is a more powerful weapon than people realize.  Collette and I have our doubts, but who are we to question Watchcat Headquarters?  In fairness to that august bureaucracy, the toy kept marauders away today: