Not a fortune but funny

A former co-worker was amused to read the fortune in her fortune cookie.  It read, "You like Chinese food."

Granted, that isn't really a fortune, but I have to admire the fortune writer's sense of humor.

"Spartacus: The Sequel"

A favorite story from a former co-worker: Years ago, at dinner, the co-worker's mother asked the family, "Alright, who fed the dog under the table?"  This co-worker stood up and announced, "I am Spartacus.  I have fed the dog."  One of his brothers then stood up and declared, "No, I am Spartacus!  I have fed the dog!"  His other brothers also did this until all of them were standing.

I wonder if his mother ever found out who fed the dog.

Confidence in your own show

During a broadcasting school tape critique session in the '90s, I discussed a TV talk show host's recent debut with the instructor.

I told her, "The show is decent, but the host spends too much time undercutting that by talking about how nervous he is and how he's not sure how they'll manage to fill time."

I agreed with the instructor's response.

"Yeah, when you host a talk show, that kind of talk should be kept to a minimum," she said.  "When I watch a talk show, I think, 'I'm sitting here in my living room, and he's making good money hosting the show.  He must have some skill that I don't have, so why he is on TV apologizing repeatedly for the show?'" 

It's OK to admit nervousness or uncertainty now and then, but hosts who do that too often on their own shows invite the question, "Why are you hosting the show, then, if you don't have confidence in your product?"

A quirky compliment

A friend of mine, during high school, wrote an English paper that elicited an impressive grade of 98%.  The teacher wrote on the paper, "About the only thing wrong with this paper is the way it's stapled together."

Now, there's a compliment you don't usually see.

Persistent earworm alert

In the early 2000s, I bought a DVD recorder.  To test its editing function, I selected bits from two channels randomly, and edited them together.  The result sounded like cryptic dialogue from an existential play:

Mr. Carlin (a patient of Dr. Hartley's on The Bob Newhart Show): We're here to make me feel better, and I feel better!
Woman in salad dressing commercial: It's the way ranch dressing should taste.

Years later, this randomly chosen segue between two disparate bits of television still runs through my mind at odd times.  It's bizarre how one's mind retains something so inconsequential.

Still human; not a feline just yet

It was thoughtful of the animal shelter to send me these return address labels.  With a cat face photo next to my name and address, it looks as though I've turned into a cat.  I suppose that's just as well, considering how much I envy the generally easygoing demeanor cats often have.

"Time for your weekly macabre quiz question..."

Each Friday, during my eighth grade history class, the teacher would give us a 10-question, multiple choice quiz on the week's news.  For some reason, nearly every week, there was at least one question about a disaster that resulted in deaths.  Those types of questions would read something like: "Ten people were killed, and five were injured this week in downtown St. Louis.  This was the result of: (A) an automobile crash, (B) a bus accident, (C) a plane crash, or (D) a train derailment."  Back then, I wondered why the teacher fixated on tragedies resulting in death so often.  Now, however, I realize it was probably just that those events allowed him to use the same answer choices every week.