A cloudy ponderable

My high school earth/space science teacher had just assigned a report.  He said if we were having trouble choosing a topic to think about a scientific question we wanted to answer.

He told us, "In one of the other classes, someone asked, 'Why are clouds white?'  The whole class stopped, and people started asking themselves, 'Yeah, why are clouds white?'  I happen to know why clouds are white."

A student raised his hand and asked, "So, why are clouds white?"

The teacher responded, "I'm not going to tell you.  When she finishes writing it, you can read her report."

Admittedly, this tactic was more effective then, during the mid '80s, in pre-Internet search engine times.  Thinking about a question you want to answer is still a good way to choose a topic for a report, however.

A linguistic irritant XII

When did "putting on the feed bag" start applying to humans instead of just horses?  Why isn't it sufficient to just say, "I'm hungry," "I need to eat something," or "It's time for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner?)"  Why does the concept of hunger need to be reduced to a feed bag?

For that matter, why is it necessary to use the term with horses?  It's common to say, "I fed the cat (or dog, or fish)," so why not just say, "I fed the horse?"

Honestly...

Tempered wishes for a positive day

Recently, two co-workers told me they expected a difficult day at work.  As I was leaving for the day, I was about to say, "Have a good day," but thought better of it.  Acknowledging what they'd just told me, I said, "Have the best day you can, under the circumstances."  At least one of them was amused.

Inexplicably, no one has ever asked me to write greeting card inscriptions.

Finishing the sentence LXXXI

Another unfinished sentence I wrote and responses it received in October 1992:

Timing is most crucial when...

...you least want it to be. (Chip C.)

...eating raw oysters. (Charlotte O.)

...blending two trains of thought together smoothly. (Robi S.)

...there is a big rest in the music, and you're the only one playing. (Cindy D.)

...there are no time-outs left, and you have to get out of bounds in order to stop the clock. (Jeff B.)

...you're lying.  People will believe anything if you say it right. (Michael M.)

Finishing the sentence LXXX

Back to November 1992 for one of my unfinished sentences and the responses it received then:

According to a Reuters story, the recently published, updated Universal Catechism (i.e. book of religious instruction) includes such modern applications of the Ten Commandments as: "Thou shalt not evade taxes," "Thou shalt not fiddle with the company's books," "Thou shalt not engage in genetic manipulation," and "Thou shalt not drive while drunk."  One other modern application or "11th commandment" that should have been included in this new edition is...

..."Thou shalt look in all directions before thou shalt cross the street." (Paul I.)

..."Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain, unless of course, you are really, really pissed off." (Jeff B.)

..."Thou shalt not compromise thy integrity (i.e. sell out.)" (Laura W.)

..."Thou shalt not eat while talking on the air, especially really chewy stuff like Rolos that glue your mouth shut, so that the listeners get the urge to come down and throttle you." (Liz F.)

..."Thou shalt not claim thyself an atheist for purposes of proving thyself 'deep' to babes." (Michael M.)

..."Thou shalt not pretend to know more than you truly understand." (Karen B.)

Finishing the sentence LXXIX

Today, I'm going back to December 1992 for another unfinished sentence of mine and its responses:

One of these days,...

...I'm going to get that bastard. (Jason T.)

..."Pow!  Right in the kisser!" (Originality isn't me.) (Bob S.)

...I'll wake up and realize the purpose of my existence.  I will understand the power I possess and hopefully, I will know what "love" is. (Brian W.)

...I'll find "a" meaning of life--not one in particular. (Roberta M.)

...people will wake up and realize that all the secrets of life can be answered by numerology. (Lee F.)

...limbo, limbo, limbo! (Scott M.)

...I'm gonna figure everything out and figure out exactly how to push that shopping cart so I don't run into the Campbell's soup. (Jeff B.)

...I will burst my bud of calm and blossom into hysteria. (Karen B.)

Finishing the sentence LXXVIII

An unfinished sentence I wrote and responses it elicited in November 1992:

Slowly but surely,...

...the icing will melt. (Charlotte O.)

...even the longest, darkest tunnel seems to come to an end. (Paul H.)

...the ignorance of the word in which we live will cease making the rich richer and will evolve into the extinction of everyone, even those who are wealthy enough to buy their way out of death! (Sean B.)

...every childhood dream and every adolescent ambition you have ever had becomes less and less of a possibility. (Neil S.)

...one by one, my toes will freeze if I don't put my socks on.  Gotta go. (Michelle T.)

Only in college IV

Nearly 25 years later, I still haven't heard another exchange quite like this one:

Student 1 (returning from the lunch line, sitting down at cafeteria table:)  Ah, apple pie.
Something that's symbolic of America--looks good and tastes good!
Student 2 (with daggers in eyes:) Would you just eat your damned food?!
Student 1:  What, are we just going to sit here in silence?  What'll we talk about?
Student 2:  We're not going to talk about anything!  We're just going to sit here--and
eat!
Student 1:  Can I talk to Drew?
Student 2:  No!!!!
Student 1:  Can he talk to me?
Student 2:  Sure!  He can talk all he wants!
(Student 1 gets up slowly and returns to the lunch line.)
Student 2 (to me:) Sorry about that...I just couldn't take it anymore.

Finishing the sentence LXXVII

Here's an unfinished sentence I wrote and some of its responses from Fall 1992:

Many people state this as if it's a fact.  Actually, it's really an opinion formed from ignorance or misinformation.  This so-called fact is...

..."Things change." (Dan L.)

..."Oh, she's just psychotic.  It's not my fault." (Jenni S.)

..."If you hold your breath for a long time, you won't die.  You'll just pass out.  You can't hold your breath long enough to pass out.  Try it and see." (Paul G.)

A linguistic irritant XI

A radio sports commentator said today that it had been a "near miss" for many golfers trying to obtain an elusive score.

I wanted to respond, "A near miss would mean they obtained that score successfully despite attempting not to achieve it."

Learning when not to laugh

After reading an article about teens who took video footage of someone drowning instead of calling for help, I remembered an incident from third grade.  Our class went next door to another teacher's classroom.  Both classes started watching a film.  Some kids laughed loudly while watching footage of kids falling off their bikes and tripping over things.  I remember thinking, "Why are people laughing about this?  This really isn't funny, and it's rude to laugh."  After this went on for a while, one teacher stopped the film.  The other teacher admonished those who'd laughed.

"This film is not supposed to be funny!" she said sharply.  "It's about hurtful situations everyone goes through and how we're supposed to be compassionate and help each other.  Let's start the film again.  This time, we're going to watch it without laughing!"

No one laughed the second time around.  I wonder if anyone ever taught those who have filmed horrific incidents instead of calling for help such a lesson.  If so, I wonder why it didn't stick.

Finishing the sentence LXXVI

Here's an unfinished sentence of mine, along with responses to it from Fall 1992:

Once in a lifetime, one should...

...climb a tall mountain.  Walking on flat ground will seem easy. (Mary C.)

...take a flying lesson, with or without a plane. (Becky B.)

...let the M&Ms melt in your hand. (Karen B.)

...live alone, because if you can't live with yourself, how can you expect other people to do it? (Jeff I.)

Retro expressions lost in translation

A grocery store clerk told me she'd realized there was a dividing line in age between those who use certain expressions and those who don't.

She'd asked someone younger than her, "So, have you received your marching orders yet?"

"Marching orders?" the person replied.

Realizing that the person wasn't familiar with that expression, she asked, "So, you're still waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

"Other shoe to drop?" the person responded.

I've used both of those expressions, as well, so it probably wouldn't have occurred to me that some people younger than me might not have heard them.  It's amusing, though, to think that at least one person out there might think (s)he'll be expected to start marching around after a shoe has fallen.

Finishing the sentence LXXV

A minimalist one-word unfinished sentence of mine and responses to it from November 1988:

Maybe...

...someday, if the higher power is good, this country will straighten out, and the homeless will have places to live. (Betsy B.)

...I'm glad the sky is blue...If it was green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing! (Cherice L.)

...the days don't get longer in the summer; we just get slower! (Sarah G.)

...you won't notice I didn't answer. (Peter H.)

It doesn't take much to make a cat happy...

...Sometimes, a simple toy does the trick, as Sylvia illustrates here.

Finishing the sentence LXXIV

Here's an unfinished sentence of mine and responses it received in August 1991.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who starts hearing "Nothing But Flowers" by Talking Heads after reading the second response:

If a utopian society is possible, one of its attributes should be...

...plenty of time set aside every day for family time. (Chris E.)

...cities and their skyscrapers and factories torn (down) and changed to green, plush cow pastures and wildflowers. (Cindy D.)

...a place where you could learn to fly to, away from all human inhabitants, cohabitating with creatures (who have) kinder, gentler hearts than (we) could ever imagine. (Stephen F.)

...(that) no politicians named after birds or plants shall be elected!! (Miranda G.)

Finishing the sentence LXXIII

Back to August 1989 for another one of my unfinished sentences and its responses:

The human-made product most essential for one's convenience, comfort, and well-being is...

...a ruler. (Steve F.)

...a stereo. (Jeff M.)

...another human being. (Mindy B.)

Finishing the sentence LXXII

Here's an unfinished sentence I wrote and some responses to it in December 1988:

Deep thought, accompanied by a dark, silent room in which to think, would most likely lead me to conclude that...

...I should probably take more time in deep thought, as should others, because it's very therapeutic. (Jason M.)

...I'd probably go crazy thinking about all the things I should be doing, and instead, I'd go to sleep. Procrastination! (Leigh M.)

...life is meaningless without music and love. (John H.)

...I am afraid of the dark and especially afraid to think. (Mike B.)

Finishing the sentence LXXI

Another unfinished sentence of mine and its responses from August 1989:

Silence is especially golden when...

...you're trying to cram for something. (Shon D.)

...you've just finished the first marching band rehearsal. (Rob B.)

...an entire thought is conveyed without words. (Ashley L.)

Finishing the sentence LXX

I tried not to write one-word unfinished sentences too often, as it felt too easy.  Sometimes, though, my shortest unfinished sentences yielded some of the most diverse results.  Here's an example from August 1989:

Supposedly...

...all the classes we have to take will help us later in life. (Sajid A.)

...it only rains below the clouds. (Lori B.)

...roses capture the essence of femininity. (Sarah G.)

...it is possible to take the genes from a lightning bug, mutate them with a tobacco plant, and get a glow-in-the-dark cigar. (Mark Z.)

Finishing the sentence LXIX

Back to early 1993 for another one of my unfinished sentences and some responses it received:

OK, so my perspective is biased and slightly warped, but I'm still convinced that...

...it takes 164 1/3 pancakes to shingle a doghouse. (Jason H.)

...even though I'm an atheist, I still think God is a woman! (Missy G.)

...good actors would have the best grasp on how to live life if theirs weren't so bizarre, making them take on other people's lives to avoid their own. (Becky B.)

Finishing the sentence LXVIII

An unfinished sentence of mine and its responses from February 1992:

The word, "mysterious," is best exemplified by...

 ...looking into a large mirror at night and seeing something in the reflection that isn't in the room. (Eric S.)

...bumping into a clown while walking down a moonlit alley. (Cindy D.)

...the fact that people say doctors are to blame for the health care "crisis" even though the bean counters (i.e. administrators) are actually the ones driving up the bill. (Errol K.)

Finishing the sentence LXVII

An unfinished sentence I wrote and responses it received in October 1991:

Truth really is stranger than fiction when...

...your reality is determined by everybody else's desires and wants. (Veronica D.)

...you live in a society where one can gain more respect and money playing the air guitar than actually helping his fellow man. (Jason F.)

...human beings, who insist on being divisive, hateful to others different than themselves, and generally afraid of the unknown, decide that we're all okay and worth at least basic courtesy and respect as individuals. (Barry F.)

...The Missourian (newspaper) features a front page story about a lady who quit smoking. (Erin W.)

Patient or hypocritical? It's up to me.

While driving in recent months, I've been behind more cars with "permit driver" signs in their back windows than I've ever seen.  When I'm tempted to get irritated with the overly cautious way some of these students are driving, I remind myself, "Thirty years ago, that was me."  I also remember that the first time I got behind the wheel of a car, I made only a minimal attempt to steer, shot off into my family's front yard, and nearly hit a tree.

Viewed through that lens, I hope all drivers aspiring to get their licenses are as cautious as I should have been that night.

Purposely vague dialogue department III

Some ambiguous dialogue I wrote and the interpretations it elicited in March 1992:

A: There it goes again.
B (sighing): Yes.
A: Over and over...
B: ...And there's no way we can stop it.
A: So it seems.
B: Unless...
A: Unless...?
B: Well...No, we couldn't...
A: What?
B: We could try "Plan B."
A: Plan B?!  No, that's out of the question!
B: It would knock off the problem.
A: And a number of other things, as well...
B: It almost seems worth it, though.
A: Well...I still don't think so.
B: We're at the end of our rope.  It's beginning to drive me insane!
A: We could just learn to live with it.
B: I don't think we'll ever be able to tolerate this!
A: Oh...OK, let's try Plan B.
B: It'll work; it has to!
A (sighing): I'm almost positive we'll regret this.

Questions: Who are A and B?  What is irritating them?  What is Plan B, and why does A hesitate to use it?

Responses:

...I immediately assumed it was a noise--a train that comes by on an hourly schedule.  A and B are in an apartment near the tracks.  The plan is to throw a body on the tracks, someone they hate...Very cute and silly; sitcom city!  (Christina K.)

...A and B are recently-discovered-each-other lovers.  They're in bed and are irritated by the alarm clock, which is going off every nine minutes...Plan B is to unplug the clock, stay in bed, and lose their jobs.  They'll do it and break up in two weeks anyway. (Lisa G.)

...A and B are bats.  The sunrise annoys them.  Plan B is to close their eyes and never open them again.  Thus, bats are all "blind."  Really, they've all just chosen to not open their eyes. (Jonathan B.)

Finishing the sentence LXVI

An unfinished sentence I wrote and some responses it received in Spring 1992:

Ninety-nine percent of the time,...

...you're right. (Paul I.)

...I am dissatisfied with what I have and want more.  Then, when I have what I want, I don't want it anymore. (Jenni S.)

...my mind is completely off the subject at hand, which probably explains why I am usually chasing my life. (Karen W.)

...nobody knows what they're doing, and nobody knows what the government's doing. (Greg Y.)

Finishing the sentence LXV

An unfinished sentence I wrote and some of its responses from October 1992:

It would be more than startling to read a horoscope that says...

..."Expect danger today.  Something you see as harmless should be taken seriously." (Melissa G.)

..."Check your pulse.  It may not be there one day." (Jenny L.)

..."Give it up, sucker.  You'll never make it.  Go read 'Garfield.'" (Michael M.)

...the truth.  "You'll wake up, shower, eat, go to work, come home, watch 'The Simpsons,' and sleep.  Nothing real important will happen.  It's just a regular day." (Jeff B.)

..."Go dig a hole, jump in it, and have bricks piled on your head.  Clandestine arrangements figure prominently." (Becky B.)

When you're not a professional photographer...

...you're lucky to get a good photo of July 4 fireworks.  I've decided that as long as any photo I take of fireworks actually contains fireworks that aren't blurry, the picture is a success.  I imagine a lot of amateur photographers think that way.  Case in point:

July 4, 2007: Fireworks over downtown Kirkwood.  They're there, if you look closely.  My alternative was to post a photo of the night sky with the caption, "Just before I took this photo, there was a colorful medley of smiley faces in the sky.  You can't see them here, but just imagine them."

Good luck to anyone taking photos of any fireworks display tonight.

Purposely vague dialogue department II

Here's some more ambiguous dialogue I wrote and the interpretations it elicited in April 1993:

A: I think that's everything.  We're off...
B: Yeah...This is just like old times.
A: Well, anyway...Everything's squared away.
B: Squared away once again...
A: Once again?
B: Don't you remember...the last time this happened?
A: Ummm...I guess so.
B: That was really something.
A: If you say so...
B: You don't remember?
A: No, not really...It's not like it was anything out of the ordinary...
B: Well, I remember it.
A: But you remember everything...
B: What?! What are you saying?  That I have a mind for trivia?
A: No.  Look, let's just drop it.
B: I can't believe this.  How you could've forgotten is beyond me...

Questions: Who are A and B?  What have they just squared away?  What is B reminded of, and why does (s)he think it's so significant?  Why has A forgotten what B remembers?

Responses:

...B is me because I, in fact, do remember everything.  A is one of my many friends.  We could have squared away anything, but only I remember every detail of everything and spend 75% of my time recounting it for everyone else.  Such is my life. (Laura W.)

...A and B are two mice.  They are best friends, and they live near the local cheese shipment company.  Three years earlier, they broke into a crate of limburger, and it took them days to wash the scent out of their fur.  It recently happened again, only this time with a box of moldy gorgonzola.  A has forgotten due to his long-term memory loss from eating too many of the stronger cheeses. (Anthony T.)

...Two answers: A and B are a male/female radio duo who are also currently involved.  B, of course, is the woman, able to remember every detail of every show they've done, while A is the man, remembering vague details but placing a value judgment (good/bad) on the memory of each show.  Or, they're a couple of old friends about to embark on a road trip, which they used to do quite frequently.  A has always appreciated the essence of the road trip, while B has enjoyed the individual events on the trip. (David R.)

Finishing the sentence LXIV

Here's an unfinished sentence I wrote and its responses from October 1991:

You'd think it's a task easily completed, but it's not.  The task is...

...enjoying life. (Kevin K.)

...making biscuits in the oven and not forgetting about them. (Laurie S.)

...taking a four-year-old in the car on a few errands. (Charlotte O.)

...living with your three best friends.  You find out a lot you didn't know before and after you live with them. (Kelly S.)

...conforming to a society where I would rather be listening to music and painting a world of my own. (Veronica D.)

...making it all the way through "The Accidental Tourist" without becoming narcoleptic. (Miranda G.)

...becoming the white embodiment of funk and soul. (Jonathan L.)

Context?

Once, while looking for potential cats to adopt, the context of one cat's name on a shelter's website amused me.  One page of cats included Socks, Boots, Whiskers, Mittens...and Steve.  There's nothing wrong with Steve as a cat's name, but it obviously stood out among that series of typical cat names.