A linguistic irritant XXXIX

I've never cared for the expression, "Use your noodle," as a way of saying, "Use your brain."  Why not just say, "Think?"

"Next!"

Years ago, I was one of four people who conducted job interviews at my previous company.  One candidate, who had worked at an ice cream place, told our panel of four, "At my previous job, they were so uptight about people memorizing the menu.  I was like, 'It's just ice cream!'"

I gritted my teeth when I heard that.  Common sense should tell anyone that you never say anything at a job interview that screams, "Who cares about the details of this profession?"  Saying "I was like..." doesn't help you, either.

Not surprisingly, our company didn't hire her.

One way to survive...

...as a stray cat is to find a good hiding place, preferably one that provides sufficient shade:

May 2004: Stray Cat rests under a bush.

Watchcat protocol V

In this scene from April 2004, Sammy is monitoring the general expanse of the basement, and Rosie is watching the area between the TV and the sofa:

One cat's swanky pad

Leave it to Nemo to choose the most comfortable furniture for his residence:

Spring 2016: Nemo, lounging in style.

Waiting for water: Contrasting perspectives II

Once again, there's nothing like drinking water out of the kitchen faucet. There's nothing like the anticipation of a cool, fresh drink:

Spring 2016: Sylvia, waiting for a drink from the kitchen faucet.

Until someone turns the faucet on, however, the anticipation can turn to stewing:

Spring 2016: Sylvia, wondering when she'll receive that drink of water.

Finishing the sentence CXXIII

Here is one of my more minimalist unfinished sentences and some responses it elicited in April 1993:

Three minutes from now...

...the daydreaming continues. (Michael M.)

...a man I've never met will suddenly give me flowers, and in five minutes, we'll be married. (Kristen H.)

...yet another techno band will release its new "hit" song. (Tim C.)

...the synapses in my brain will all fire at once, causing my head to explode all over these stairs. (Cathy N.)

Finishing the sentence CXXII

Once again, I'm returning to January 1993 for another one of my unfinished sentences and a few of its responses...

Per Plato, "necessity is the mother of invention."  This rings especially true when...

...the father happens to be conspicuously absent from the scene. (Jeff B.)

...the government @#&*s up and requires a cover-up.  So far, their track record of getting away with it is pretty good. (Sean B.)

...you are confronted with a truly interesting person you want to talk to but don't know the first actual thing about. (Neil S.)

Finishing the sentence CXXI

One of my unfinished sentences and some responses it received in January 1993:

Dumb luck is best illustrated by...

...the fact that it seems (like) only true musical geniuses die young. (Jeff B.)

...on a good day, my love, no, like life. (Liz F.)

...being caught in a dark alley with a rabid hamster and realizing that you have a Susan B. Anthony dollar in your pocket, and on the ground in front of you is a two-dollar bill with the upside down airplane stamp glued to it.  At the same time, someone you don't know is on a train going somewhere with no idea this is happening to you. (Eric S.)

Truth in advertising? XIV

Beware the restaurant that promotes its sandwiches or salads as containing "garden-fresh" or "vine-ripened" tomatoes.  While both of those terms may have been accurate at one time, the tomatoes and other produce used in any restaurant's dishes are generally far removed from those descriptions by the time they make it to your table.  Although a direct farm-to-table arrangement is an admirable goal, I don't know of any restaurant that has a garden right on its premises.  Also, aren't tomatoes generally vine-ripened?  Isn't that akin to promoting apples as tree-picked?

A linguistic irritant XXXVIII

In addition to my dislike for the expression, "the munchies," it sounds silly to me to say that you have the giggles.  Why not say, "I can't stop giggling, for some reason," or let the giggling speak for itself?

A linguistic irritant XXXVII

I've never understood why people sometimes say they have the munchies when they're hungry, as "the munchies" sounds like insects are devouring you.  Why not just say you're hungry?

Feeling nostalgic?

A rocking chair is a good place in which to sit and reflect:

2005: Sammy, during a rocking-and-reflecting session.

The challenge of newsstand ownership

Not as many readers purchase newspapers or magazines these days, so running a newsstand is a precarious endeavor.  This didn't stop Sammy and Rosie from trying it in 2008, however:

There's nothing like a sunny perch...

...from which to watch the world, while still posing for photos:

2008: Rosie in the window.

A welcome refuge

It's best to temper your expectations when getting to know stray cats.  When cats are used to foraging for food and having to watch their backs all the time, it's understandable that they won't let you pet them the way house cats would.  Still, it's a relief to see them and for them to know that they have a safe space in which they can eat and drink:

The feline, whom my family and I called Stray Cat, visiting in 2004.

Waiting for water: Contrasting perspectives

When you're waiting to have a drink from the faucet, your guardian should understand that only a short wait is permissible.  After all, water in a bowl is no substitute for fresh tap water, and a guardian who fails to honor his cat's wishes in this regard is a subpar cat caretaker, at best:

2015: Sylvia, displeased with the wait between faucet drinks.

On second thought, not every guardian caters to a cat's whims that way.  Supplementing a cat's water bowl with frequent faucet drinks is a courtesy, not an inalienable right.  Sadly, some cats in this world have no access to any water:

The same day in 2015: Sylvia adopts a more thankful perspective about her water regimen.

Truth in advertising? XIII

Decades ago, a grocery store here stopped its double coupon policy and lowered prices on various items instead.  "You won't need double coupons," a gravel-voiced announcer proclaimed in the store's radio commercials.  The first time I heard that, I responded, "Yes, no more of this silly freedom of decision business that lets you save more money when you choose the coupons you use.  Why not just let the store lower the price of an item five cents and be content with that?"

Wisely, the store went back to honoring double coupons.

Finishing the sentence CXX

I wrote this unfinished sentence in February 1992.  Here are three responses it received 26 years ago:

Although this inscription might be especially appropriate for its receiver, it has never appeared on a Valentine's Day card.  This inscription reads...

..."Attempting to show, in case you don't know, the sentiment is more than the appetite.  Never treat you unkind; so, with that in mind, let's slip away and hold each other all night."  (Cheesy, but I don't think it has ever been on a card before.) (Jonathan L.)

..."Guilt is the best motivation, so I got you this card." (Eric S.)

..."Roses are red.  Pillows are soft.  I got you this card 'cause it was half off." (Miranda G.)

A linguistic irritant XXXVI

When describing my illness over the last few days, I caught myself at least once, saying, "I have a temperature."  I corrected myself, after reminding myself that as long as I'm alive, I'll have a temperature.  What I meant to say and have said since catching myself is, "I have a fever."

Finishing the sentence CXIX

Another unfinished sentence I wrote and some responses it elicited in September 1991:

Tranquility is best illustrated by...

...the innocence of a child who still has self-esteem, faith in others, believes in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, (has) pleasant dreams, and loves his parents. (Brian W.)

...a sleeping baby nephew, who has worn himself out picking snails off a concrete wall, filling his shoes with gravel, and rubbing the cat's fur backwards. (Charlotte O.)

...cancelling all the radio shrinks because the Nielsens say there aren't enough people with problems to justify them. (Miranda G.)

Slowing down to admire master craftsmanship

Rosie and Sammy often enjoyed life at different speeds.  Rosie, ever the go-getter, was usually keen to run or power walk her way through a situation.  Sammy, by contrast, was usually more content to stay in one place for long stretches of time, exploring every nuance of a stair, table, or floor.  On at least one occasion, he persuaded his sister to slow down and join him:

2012: Rosie and Sammy slow down long enough to explore the sides of a staircase.

This cat isn't demonic...

...He's focused.  Yes, that's the word--or committed, if you prefer, to catching the cat toy:

2010: Glowing-eyed Nemo attempts to pull down a cat toy with relish.

A linguistic irritant XXXV

Although I'm not overly put off by it, it still irks me a little when anyone says, "In my humble opinion..."  When you clearly aren't being humble and are about to present a strong counterargument, why not just say, "I disagree, and here's why...?"

No fumbles here

If you need a football player who will hang onto the ball, look no further than Nemo:

October 2010: Nemo, taking possession of a kick toy.

When cats mean business

Cats aren't always subtle about their desire to be fed:

On a May day in 2007, Rosie and Sammy took turns using a menacing stare to elicit a meal.

The lower profile February 2 holiday

Although it isn't as well-known as Groundhog Day, former family cat Rosie once declared February 2 Calico Day.  She would look for her shadow upon waking up February 2.  If she saw it, she decreed there would be an early Spring.  If she didn't see it, she still decreed there would be an early Spring.  Although this same end result in either case compromised the suspense, I would still listen for her decree.  Here she is in 2007, after having seen her shadow:

With a countenance this serious, I wasn't about to argue with her early Spring decree.

Truth in advertising? XII

Unlike yesterday morning, the moon is plainly visible in the sky.  Why couldn't that have been the case where I was during yesterday morning's super blue blood moon?  I know that not everyone can see every eclipse, but I'm tempted to say, "Let the moon eat cake, if it's going to behave that way. I hereby decree that I must be able to see an eclipse whenever I like..."

...Wait.  No.  I'm not going to decree that.  I was just drinking the last of the Benevolent Despot Cola I have.  Now, I'm switching to Balanced Perspective Cola, and I plan to stick to it.  The more dyspeptic-inducing sodas just don't agree with me.