Witch cat watchcat protocol X

Whether you're a witch cat or a watchcat, sudden noises or other suspicious activity will require you to look off into the distance.  This won't result in the most photogenic poses, but it shows you're doing your job:

October 2013: A witch cat and Sammy look into the distance after hearing a noise.  Another witch cat sits on a speaker, ready to provide backup assistance, if needed.

A misanthropic Halloween

You know someone knows you when you're asked, "So, what are your plans for Halloween, besides turning off the lights and not answering the door for trick-or-treaters?"

I'm going to sit in a rocking chair and scowl--or possibly station a watchcat to ward off trick-or-treaters.

Watchcat protocol XCI

Rosie wasn't the only watchcat to earn dynamite privileges:

2013: Watchcat Sammy keeps a paw on the dynamite, which he never had to use, fortunately, to ward off intruders.

Watchcat protocol XC

Per Watchcat Headquarters, watchcats must monitor other watchcats periodically, to make sure they're performing shoe surveillance:

Spring 2010: Watchcats Sammy and Rosie with their assigned shoes.

Witch cat watchcat protocol IX

It happens to the best of us.  Sometimes, despite a watchcat's best efforts, (s)he'll still feel drowsy.  When that happens, Watchcat Headquarters permits a witch cat to step in as a watchcat backup:

October 2017: A witch cat provides backup watchcat services for Sammy.

Watchcat protocol LXXXIX

Watchcat Headquarters sometimes requires watchcats to perform highly specific tasks--such as making sure intruders don't walk off with a Slinky:

2009: Watchcat Nemo stays within close proximity of his assigned Slinky.

Not to everyone's taste

I liked Spree candy when I was in high school, as did a lot of other students.  Once, however, while a student was eating Spree in one of my high school English classes, the teacher asked, "May I try one of those?  I'm curious to see what all the fuss is about."  After eating a piece of Spree, the teacher grimaced and said, "Well, now I understand why you all buy these and throw them at each other."

I wonder if the teacher gave out Sprees for Halloween at her home, knowing that kids ate them frequently, or refrained from it, knowing that she'd be stuck with them if trick-or-treaters didn't choose them.

Watchcat protocol LXXXVIII

Thanks to a devoted watchcat, nothing comes between me and my coupons:

2012:  Watchcat Sylvia makes sure no one but me can claim the savings in the newspaper.

Midwestern niceness (or passivity?)

If you visit Kirkwood, Missouri often enough, this will probably happen to you at least once; you'll arrive fourth at a four-way stop sign, but you'll be the first to move on from it.

The routine at four-way stops here is typically, "'After you.'  'No, after you.'  'No, really, after you; I don't mind.'  'Thank you, but it's your turn.  After you.'  'No, I insist.  After you...'"

Although this creates confusion, it's refreshing to see such a premium placed on civility.

Witch cat watchcat protocol VIII

If you ask them, witch cats will guard not only you but your speakers, as well.  They're considerate that way:

September 2007: Witch cats on speaker watch.

Truth in advertising? XXIII

Recently, I sampled a tasty microwavable meal from the Cheating Gourmet brand.  That negative connotation puzzles me.  Why Cheating Gourmet?  As long as you're not entering it as your own creation in a cooking contest, why should you feel like you're cheating?

Watchcat protocol LXXXVII

Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's permissible for watchcats to station themselves in a kitchen sink:

2016:  Watchcat Sylvia takes her guard duty seriously while sitting in the sink.

Watchcat protocol LXXXVI

Per Watchcat Headquarters, when watchcats are investigating something suspicious under a sofa, it isn't a time for frivolity:

2009: Watchcats Rosie and Sammy, underscoring the seriousness of their investigation.

Witch cat watchcat protocol VII

As long as witch cats don't let their guard down while on duty, Watchcat Headquarters permits them to pose for photos:

November 2003: A laudable security team of witch cat watchcats.

Truth in advertising? XXII

I feel slightly silly whenever I buy a pharmacy chain's house brand products that use the label, "Nice!"  I'll admit that their Nice! sparkling water, cheddar cheese, and trash bags live up to their billing, however, so I can't really argue with that label.  It's difficult to work up much animosity toward the word nice in that context.  It's also no worse of a name than one I would make up, such as Roxzopian, that sounds like a prescription medication used on some other planet.

Watchcat protocol LXXXV

Just because a watchcat is taking a grooming break doesn't mean he's not ready to confront intruders:

October 2010: Watchcat Nemo takes a moment to groom himself--while holding onto his kick toy weapon.

Witch cat watchcat protocol VI

Even when witch cats act like cordial friends, watchcats must still follow Watchcat Headquarters procedures and make sure they're not decoys:

2010: Sammy and Rosie confirm that a witch cat is legitimate.

A linguistic irritant LXIV

I've never cared for the phrase, "In summation."  It sounds unnecessarily stodgy and fit for a legal case summary.  Why not just say, "To sum up...?"

Witch cat watchcat protocol V

At this time of year, it's understood that a witch cat watchcat's guard duty responsibilities include gourd duty:

October 2015:  Three witch cats guard their pumpkin patch.

Watchcat protocol LXXXIV

Per Watchcat Headquarters, there's no limit on the number of watchbird reinforcements watchcats are allowed:

October 2005: Watchcat Sammy and two Fredbirds patrol the laundry room.

A linguistic irritant LXIII

Although the word's alliteration appeals to me, it sounds downright silly to use the word fiddle-faddle in a sentence.  Why not just refer to nonsense or trivia as nonsense or trivia?

A partially silver lining for a faded voice

This morning, I watched TV to take my mind off of the effects dysphonia and a recent case of sinusitis have had on my voice.  I was starting to forget my voice woes; then, an Amazon Music commercial aired.  The product's slogan?  "A voice is all you need."

"Even a hoarse, raspy, sometimes barely there voice with ever-changing octaves?" I asked.

At least, the voice-activated pharmacy renewal system understood me when I renewed a prescription this morning.

I'll take my victories where I can get them.

A silver lining for a faded voice

Recently, while my voice was on the fritz, I joked with a neighbor, "I hope no one invites me to a protest tonight.  I won't be able to shout any slogans, so I won't be able to do them justice."  My neighbor's reply: "They could still give you a sign to carry.  So, if you get into a disagreement with someone, you'll have something to hit them with."

Good to know that sinusitis has at least one bright side...

Witch cat watchcat protocol IV

Per Watchcat Headquarters, a watchcat must inspect witch cats to make sure they're not decoys:

2012: Watchcat Sammy confirms that he's in the presence of a genuine witch cat.

Witch cat watchcat protocol III

2013: As part of their agility training, a witch cat and Sammy climbed this staircase together.

Watchcat protocol LXXXIII

Frequently, you can tell by the glint in a watchcat's eyes not to trifle with him--or his watchturtle.  Don't believe the stereotype that turtles move extremely slowly; when necessary, watchturtles can pounce on an intruder with surprising alacrity:

2017: Watchcat Nemo and his backup watchturtle, Tibby.

Watchcat protocol LXXXII

Just because the watchcat is taking a water break doesn't mean his eyes have strayed from you:

Spring 2016: Watchcat Nemo takes a drink from the kitchen faucet while keeping his eyes open for intruders.

Watchcat protocol LXXXI

You might not think Watchcat Headquarters would encourage its watchcats to be contrarian, but there's at least one instance when it's encouraged; a good watchcat should know when he has mastered his agility training and doesn't need to test his reflexes:

2015: Watchcat Nemo, drawing the line at grabbing a toy.

Watchcat protocol LXXX

When your doppelganger is your fellow watchcat, Watchcat Headquarters will ask you to patrol the same sectors at first.  Then, as your doppelganger becomes more experienced, (s)he will be assigned to separate sectors.  Sometimes, those separate sectors aren't that far away from each other.  Independence is earned, after all:

2014: Proxy Nemo and Nemo patrol separate sectors.

Watchcat protocol LXXIX

Although it's unorthodox, Watchcat Headquarters doesn't prohibit watchcats from using a Magic 8-Ball to show intruders their likelihood of getting away with their misdeeds.  Interestingly, "Very doubtful" was the answer that kept coming up when Watchcat Nemo was on duty:

2012: Nemo with a Magic 8-Ball--and a kick toy, for good measure.

Watchcat protocol LXXVIII

You might think that a laser pointer would distract a watchcat from monitoring his assigned sector.  Not so--at least in Nemo's case:

Spring 2009: Watchcat Nemo resists the laser pointer's allure.