A linguistic irritant LXIX

Given its inherent haughtiness and pretentiousness, the word, "deem," should be used sparingly, if ever.  After all, how do most people react when anyone tells them, "I deem this acceptable?"  While they might be pleased that the verdict is favorable, who wouldn't think, "That's an off-putting, high-and-mighty way of telling me you're pleased with this?"

Watchcat protocol CXI

Watchcat Headquarters allows watchcats to wear sandals, provided that they can move quickly in them, when needed.  In 2002, Watchcat Sammy tested a pair of sandals:

These sandals passed the test, and Sammy sometimes wore them on the job.

Watchcat protocol CX

Here's another not-so-obvious responsibility watchcats have.  During slow times, watchcats are expected to see that all packages being mailed from their residence contain sufficient amounts of bubble wrap:

May 2002: Watchcat Sammy confirms that a package contains sufficient insulation.

A linguistic irritant LXVIII

I've always found the phrase, "beside myself," silly.  Why not just say you were stunned or perplexed?   A former co-worker used to mock that expression, saying, "I was beside myself, standing right next to myself," or "I was beside myself.  There were two of me."

Watchcat protocol CIX

When your sea lion needs to take a break from guard duty, it's important to have a backup on hand.  In this case, there were two backups--Nemo and Proxy Nemo:

Summer 2014: Nemo and Proxy Nemo step in as watchcats while the sea lion takes a break.

A linguistic irritant LXVII

Last month, I had to go to the emergency room.  I kept telling the staff there that I had an emergency situation.  I kept repeating the words, "emergency situation."  I had a longer wait than expected because, as one of the staff members said, "If you have time to keep referring to your allergic reaction as an emergency situation instead of an emergency, you have time to wait a little longer."

Actually, that's not what happened.  The staff was very polite and professional and got me into a room after just a short wait.  I never used the words, "emergency situation," either.  If had, though, I wonder if my wait would have been longer. 

At least some emergency room staffers must grit their teeth when patients keep referring to an emergency as an emergency situation.

Watchcat protocol CVIII

Here's a task I bet you didn't know was a watchcat's responsibility--checking decorative wooden cats to make sure they aren't coated with polyurethane.  Here's Sylvia inspecting some wooden cats in 2015:

Once she saw that the wooden cats didn't contain a toxic chemical coating, she was able to relax:

Virtually every job, including a watchcat's, requires more special skills than meets the eye.

Truth in advertising? XXVII

It amuses me when a commercial melodramatically promotes a sale as "the chance of a lifetime."  In my view, that phrase is best saved for major life events, such as getting into a particular college, doing research that leads to a vaccine, or starting your own business.  A 50% off sale on flat screen TVs doesn't--or at least shouldn't--fall into the chance-of-a-lifetime category.

Watchcat protocol CVII (Thanksgiving edition)

A watchcat is allowed to take a nap, provided her substitute watchturkey has been vetted and cleared for duty:

November 2013: Watchcat Sylvia naps while a watchturkey fills in.

Witch cat watchcat protocol XI (Thanksgiving edition)

Want to make sure no one walks off with your turkey on a pumpkin?  Ask three witch cats to guard it:

2013: Three witch cats watch over their assigned turkey.

Truth in advertising? XXVI

The whole "Stove Top Stuffing instead of potatoes" conundrum always struck me as an odd, contrived idea--much like the dilemma a seventh grade student posed in my Speech/Drama class 35 years ago. She urged people, if they couldn't decide whether to get a pet or a plant, to adopt a pet.  While I don't disagree with her conclusion, I'd never heard anyone say, "Should I get a parakeet or a poinsettia?  I'm so on the fence."

Truth in advertising? XXV

As we all become less accustomed to waiting for anything, it's probably smart that one TV network takes this approach when showing commercials online: In the corner of the screen, a small notice reads, "This ad supports (our network.)"  As long as it's subtle, it can't hurt to remind viewers, "Yes, people don't chomp at the bit to see commercials, but this show wouldn't be on the air without them; just bear with us."

Watchcat protocol CVI

If you're observant, you'll notice a watchcat in the museum, keeping an eye on the sculptures:

December 2003: Sammy during his museum watchcat days.

Watchcat protocol CV

When you order a watchcat, you hope it will arrive in time.  In this case, it did:

November 2003: Watchcat Sammy begins his shift after just arriving in the mail.

Watchcat protocol CIV

An occupational hazard: When watchcats stare too intently at keys or at watchcats who are staring intently at keys, they may develop poltergeist eyes.  The condition is temporary, however, and shouldn't get in the way of carrying out watchcat responsibilities:

October 2008: Due to the allure of keys, watchcats Sammy and Rosie start developing poltergeist eyes.

Watchcat protocol CIII

I would be curious to know the exact wording of the instructions Sammy received from Watchcat Headquarters here; perhaps they were, "It's a slow day, but we have word there's a bug or possibly a piece of dust near the center of the black metal decorative piece:"

October 2006: Watchcat Sammy, inspecting what was likely a nonexistent threat, per Watchcat Headquarters.

Watchcat protocol CII

When a watchcat is looking up at something suspicious, who watches the watchcat?  Another watchcat, of course:

October 2008: Watchcat Sammy looks up after having seen someone jingle some keys moments earlier.  Watchcat Rosie keeps an eye on Watchcat Sammy, in case he gets too distracted.

Watchcat protocol CI

Unless it's part of an agility training course, a watchcat must resist the allure of a Cat Dancer toy while on duty:

October 2008: Watchcat Nemo, not giving into the temptation to play with the Cat Dancer.

Watchcat protocol C

One of the lesser-known duties of watchcats is sniffing food being cooked and alerting those in the residence when the dish appears done:

2008: Watchcat Sammy, keeping an eye and a nose on the cooking.

Watchcat protocol XCIX

You never know when the Thanksgiving turkey toy might be a spy.  A good watchcat will suss this out:

2013: Watchcat Sylvia inspects a turkey.  She determined it was a friend instead of a foe.

Watchcat protocol XCVIII

It's fine for a watchcat to take a stretch break now and then, as long as another watchcat keeps an eye on things:

October 2004: Watchcat Rosie stretches while Watchcat Sammy monitors the assigned sector.

Watchcat protocol XCVII

Who was casting that shadow in December 2015?  Watchcats Nemo and Proxy Nemo were on the case:

Watchcat protocol XCVI

To many readers, it may be archaic to ask a watchcat to guard your VHS tapes and magazines, but back in 2008, when Sylvia kept an eye on them, it was...still kind of archaic, actually.  There's no shame in that, however.  A job is a job:

Watchcat protocol XCV

You might not think this would be within a watchcat's purview, but Watchcat Headquarters sometimes requests that watchcats examine newspaper comics for hidden messages...

...and then report any concerns to Watchcat Headquarters.  Watchcats are not to release their concerns to the public, however, until Watchcat Headquarters confirms them as legitimate threats:

2011: Watchcat Sylvia, after consulting Watchcat Headquarters about a questionable comic strip inference.

Watchcat protocol XCIV

Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's advisable for watchcats to maintain a quiet intensity.  Good watchcats should convey that they have their eyes on everyone who crosses their path:

November 2005: Watchcat Sammy keeps close watch over the photographer.

Truth in advertising? XXIV

Of all the claims political ads make about bond issues and proposed taxes, I love the argument, "It will cost just pennies a day."

Most things cost just pennies a day, if you stretch out their cost over a long enough increment.  Tell me in your ad how building that new school for fipple flute players will benefit the economy and why it's in my best interest to help pay for it.

A linguistic irritant LXVI

"There's nothing better in this world than..."

Whenever I hear a sentence that begins that way, I think, "Quite an overstatement...That's setting the bar unrealistically high, especially if you're just referring to a type of pizza or brand of lemonade."

Watchcat protocol XCIII

A good watchcat checks plugs and outlets, making sure to unplug cords that are frayed or otherwise unsafe:

July 2004: Sammy, after inspecting the plugs in and near an outlet.  Once his penchant for chewing on cords was discovered, he was reassigned to other watchcat duties.

A linguistic irritant LXV

It irks me slightly whenever anyone says something is the best of all time.  It doesn't matter whether it's a book, a song, or a profound quote.  Whenever I hear that "best of all time" praise bandied about, I want to respond, "What about that tone poem from Phoenician times?  For its time, it was extraordinary, and it's overlooked far too often."

Watchcat protocol XCII

Sometimes, being a watchcat entails guarding umbrellas...

...with your toy mouse, as was the case for Sylvia and her mouse in 2013.