Watchcat protocol CCCX

You know a watchcat is taking her guard duties seriously when her eyes convey the attitude, "Think you can get past me?  I don't think so!"  Watchcat Rosie conveyed this no-nonsense attitude in July 2008:

Watchcat protocol CCCIX

There's more to a watchcat's Cat Dancer agility training than you might think.  One particularly tricky reflex exercise requires a watchcat to get under a cabinet and snag the Cat Dancer toy when it comes around.  Watchcat Rosie attempted this in September 2010 while Watchcat Sammy awaited his turn:

Truth in advertising? XXXIV

I did a double take upon reading part of a pet supply store ad.  I thought it read, "Loyalty to Quality Zero products from China."  "Quality Zero?" I thought.  "That's an odd name for any brand."  Then, I realized, "Ah...They split the copy into two lines.  "Loyalty to quality" was on the first line, and "Zero products from China" was on the second line.

It's good to know there are no such things as Quality Zero pet products.

Watchcat protocol CCCVIII

When you hear about watchcats, you probably don't envision them watching TV.  Sometimes, however, it's a perk of their job, as it was for Watchcat Sammy in July 2008.  After all, when a watchcat has been doing his job well for years, the least you can do is let him watch footage of birds:

Watchcat protocol CCCVII

Save yourself some money.  When a sink isn't dispensing water, don't call a plumber; ask a watchcat to fix it.  Watchcats have reasonable rates and are adept at fixing sinks.  Not everyone knows that.

Watchcat Sylvia solved the problem of the non-water dispensing sink recently.

Watchcat protocol CCCVI

Obviously, a watchcat must convey to everyone within her purview, "I see you."  Watchcat Lily has this requirement down:

Watchcat protocol CCCV

One day in June 2007, Watchcat Sammy napped in the bathroom vanity:

Per Watchcat Headquarters, this was permissible, as Sammy was on a break.  Outside the bathroom, his sister, Watchcat Rosie, watched the condo from a cat bed while completing Cat Dancer agility training:

Watchcat protocol CCCIV

Don't be concerned when your watchcat takes a break.  A fully capable proxy watchcat will fill in:

Proxy Sylvia and a watchmouse kept an eye on the living room recently while Watchcat Sylvia was in the kitchen.

Watchcat protocol CCCIII

You never know when you'll need a shoe to fend off an intruder.  While on duty in Summer 2008, Watchcat Sammy positioned himself smartly near a shoe:

"I'll have a 95-ounce amorphous blob, please..."

Once, at a previous job, a co-worker wanted to send an indirect message to another co-worker who frequently ordered fast food items that were difficult to carry, would spill, or weren't on the menu.  He announced his order in the office, ostensibly writing down, "One order of chili and three bowls of soup."  Another co-worker, catching on, said he wanted three shakes with no lids.  We continued around the room this way.  When it was my turn to order, I said I wanted a vat of molten lava.

Unfortunately, the offending co-worker didn't catch on--or acknowledge it, if he did.

Watchcat protocol CCCII

Sometimes, you need to monitor what's going on outside your house.  Trust a pair of watchcats to keep an eye on things:

Fall 2003: Watchcats Sammy and Rosie monitor the backyard from the basement window.

Watchcat protocol CCCI

Sometimes, as a watchcat, you just need that extra bit of backup.  Hence, a watchmouse:

October 2006: Watchcat Rosie and her watchmouse guard the kitchen.

Watchcat protocol CCC

Need someone to guard your DVDs from and book about a favorite TV show?  Ask Watchcat Headquarters to assign a watchcat to keeps tabs on them:

Spring 2005: If vampire slayers can have watchers, so can fans of a show about vampire slayers.  Watchcat Rosie was a fan of the show herself, so she knew the importance of not letting the DVDs and book out of her sight.

Strained repetition

I remember two performers at a grade school assembly telling this well-worn joke:

Performer #1: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence.  Pete fell off.  Who was left?
Performer #2: Repeat.
Performer #1: Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence...

Even at the young age I was then, I wanted to shout, "That setup is too contrived.  No one actually has the name of Repeat!"

I kept that thought to myself, though.  I didn't want to be a spoilsport.  Don't get me started on Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First," however.

Watchcat protocol CCXCIX

I'm not sure why anyone would walk off with a microwave, but it can't hurt to have a watchcat guard it, just in case:

July 2004: Watchcat Sammy assumes his perch on top of the microwave.

Watchcat protocol CCXCVIII

Watchcats provide a valuable service by monitoring the street and notifying Watchcat Headquarters of suspicious activity.  Watchcat Rosie fulfilled this role in October 2007...:

...and looked to her guardians for recognition of her good work:

Watchcat protocol CCXCVII

A watchcat may look relaxed at her guard post, but that doesn't mean she isn't watching you:

September 2005: Watchcat Rosie may look comfortable, but she's ready to leap into action, if necessary.

Watchcat protocol CCXCVI

Watchcat Rosie might look like she was holding an ordinary cat toy in September 2005, but it was actually an air horn she used to honk at intruders:

Watchcat protocol CCXCV

Sometimes, Watchcat Headquarters requests that photographers maintain a certain distance when taking pictures.  It's best not to distract a watchcat with the light of the camera's flash:

October 2003:  Stray Cat monitors the backyard.

Watchcat protocol CCXCIV

It's permissible for a watchcat to take occasional naps while a backup watchperson is on hand.  This was the agreement Watchcat Rosie and I had in May 2008:

Truth in advertising? XXXIII

In seeking to soothe my turbulent stomach tonight, I noticed an inconsistency in Pepto-Bismol (or Pepto Bismol?) labels.  One of them shows the product name with a hyphen; the other, however, shows it without the hyphen.

I'm not sure which one is correct.  Even in the midst of an upset stomach, however, I still can't turn off my inclination to edit copy.  However, as long as the medicine works, they can call it "Gorfgeefeluh," "Zorftabula," or "Grog," as far as I'm concerned.

A linguistic irritant LXXXV

I received an insurance refund check in the mail, so I'm off to paint the town red.  Actually, no...I don't want to cause mayhem and bloodshed.  Besides, $18.00 only goes so far. 

I'll settle for painting the town beige instead.

Truth in advertising? XXXII

I felt compelled to drink a can of Diet Dr. Pepper.  After all, the label said, "You deserve this."

If Snickers has a wrapper that says, "Entitled," that would be an amusing, compatible pairing.

Watchcat protocol CCXCIII

Sometimes, at the request of homeowners, Watchcat Headquarters will assign a watchcat to keep tabs on bathroom supplies.  In exchange, Watchcat Headquarters asks that the homeowners feed the watchcat:

August 2007: Watchcat Sammy eats a meal while guarding a bathroom cabinet.

Truth in advertising? XXXI

The tag line, "You meet the nicest people in a Hyundai," puzzles me.  It says nothing about the quality of the vehicle and paints humanity with an awfully broad brush.  Besides, I haven't met the nicest people--or any people--in a Hyundai.

Maybe I haven't been observant enough.  Or, perhaps, I'm just too cold and aloof.

Watchcat protocol CCXCII

A dedicated watchcat keeps tabs on her surroundings, even while eating:

June 2009: Even during a meal, Watchcat Rosie doesn't abandon her assigned sector.

Watchcat protocol CCXCI

Want to make sure no one gets crumbs in your keyboard?  Let a watchcat guard your computer:

July 2005: Watchcat Sammy takes keyboard duty seriously.

Recalling momentous times

Yesterday, while calling up files of fireworks displays I've filmed, I thought, "Ah, 2010--the year I filmed fireworks that formed smiley faces in the sky."

I remembered that, and yet, I'm still not sure of my own blood type.

Clearly, I have my priorities in order.

Watchcat protocol CCXC

Recently, Watchcat Lily took a page from Watchcat Rosie's book, displaying a menacing, "None shall pass" countenance:

Sometimes, being a watchcat means looking menacing.  Intruders are more apt to turn back when faced with a watchcat's withering stare.

Watchcat protocol CCLXXXIX

You know the premises are secure when a watchcat, watchmouse, and watchsea lion are on guard:

June 2012: Watchcat Nemo and his two backups provide a triple threat of security.

A linguistic irritant LXXXIV

It amuses me whenever anyone says it behooves a person to do something.  Why not say, "I strongly advise...," or "It would be a good idea to...," instead?  While those alternatives aren't as concise, they get the point across without sounding archaic or stodgy.