Watchcat protocol DXCIX

Intruders had better think twice before they invade a residence with two watchcats--and their arsenal of weapons:

Spring 2013: Watchcats Rosie and Sammy display the variety of weapons available to them at their guard post.

Watchcat protocol DXCVIII

Watchcat Headquarters requires agility training in any number of places--even on top of a cabinet:

Summer 2008: Watchcat Nemo reaches for the Cat Dancer toy during an agility training session.

Only in college XV

Of all the classes I took in college, my statistics class gave me the most trouble.

While complaining about it to a friend, I said, "At this point, the odds of my doing well in that class or even passing it are...Um...Well, that's the problem!  I can't even calculate the odds!"

Watchcat protocol DXCVII

I'm not sure which unsuspecting dinner guest Watchcat Headquarters wanted Rosie to surprise.  It's unusual for a watchcat to be stationed on a dining room chair that's concealed from view:

October 2006:  Watchcat Rosie stays alert at her uncommon guard post.

Watchcat protocol DXCVI

Watchcat Collette has her priorities in order tonight.  She paused for just a moment to indicate, "OK, you can take my picture, but in a second, I need to get back to my agility training."  I'm proud of her commitment to taking watchcat security training seriously:

A linguistic irritant CXI

The expression, "not in my wheelhouse," puzzles me.  If something isn't one of your areas of interest or knowledge, why not just say that?  Better yet, why not just say, "I don't know?"  Why is it necessary to use a wheelhouse as a metaphor for one's lack of knowledge?

Watchcat protocol DXCV

Even if their assigned sector is a narrow space, two watchcats can still divide it up into upper and lower quadrants:

April 2003: Watchcats Sammy and Rosie split up their workload.

Watchcat protocol DXCIV

Watchcat Headquarters received word of a tiny insect on the living room wall Wednesday night.  The watchcat overlords dispatched Watchcat Collette to investigate:

No further action was taken.

Watchcat protocol DXCIII

Being a watchcat isn't just about doling out discipline to intruders.  It also involves smiling beatifically at visitors who comply with Watchcat Headquarters regulations:

July 22, 2020: Watchcat Lily approves of a visitor's compliance with security rules.

Watchcat protocol DXCII

Watchcat Headquarters won't always tell a watchcat's guardian why an assigned sector requires additional backup security, but rest assured, there's a reason:

July 22, 2020: Watchcat Lily surveys her assigned sector with Proxy Nemo, Nemo the fish, and two watchmice.  Collectively, they're quite the fearsome five.

Watchcat protocol DXCI

Guarding an assigned sector during a thunderstorm isn't easy for some watchcats.  Watchcat Collette did her best not to let the thunder rattle her this evening.  I commended her for putting on a brave face:

Watchcat protocol DXC

Experienced watchcats know how to stay alert while comfortable:

2015: Watchcat Sylvia monitors her assigned sector while curled up on a comforter.

A linguistic irritant CX

It amuses me when something goes the way a person wants, and (s)he exclaims, "That's what I'm talkin' about!"

Actually, in most cases, (s)he wasn't talking about it.  Nevertheless, I'm glad they're happy with the outcome.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXIX

Want to prevent intruders from absconding with your grocery bag?  Hire a watchcat who uses the iron claws of doom as a consequence:

Summer 2014: Watchcat Sylvia shows kitchen counter interlopers that her claws and she mean business.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXVIII

Make sure you let your watchcat know how much you appreciate how diligently (s)he guards your residence.  An appreciative pet does the trick:

Summer 2012:  Watchcat Nemo appreciated the recognition of his fine guard work.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXVII

Sometimes, a visitor won't listen to reason.  Sometimes, it's necessary for the watchcat to bite the visitor's shoe:

She'll then expect her guardians to give her appropriate credit, as Watchcat Rosie did in Spring 2011:

Watchcat protocol DLXXXVI

When the watchcat is at a plainly visible guard post, there's no excuse for not knowing you're being watched:

March 2002: Watchcat Sammy surveys his assigned sector.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXV

Sometimes, Watchcat Headquarters stations watchcats at cramped guard posts.  This is not intended as torture, but the powers that be don't always explain their reasoning:

July 2013: Watchcat Sylvia does her best to stay comfortable on guard duty.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXIV

Watchcats are entitled to periodic meal breaks.  Out of habit, some watchcats may look up during their meals as if they're still on guard duty.  Watchcat Sammy did this in the Summer of 2003:

Watchcat protocol DLXXXIII

Were these fish transmitting subliminal messages through the TV?  Watchcat Headquarters asked Watchcat Sylvia to find out in July 2013:

Luckily, Sylvia's findings were positive.  The fish had no sinister intentions.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXII

When the outdoor watchcat has to provide security on a hot day, Watchcat Headquarters makes sure the guard post provides some shade:

August 2003: Stray Cat stays on guard in the backyard.

Watchcat protocol DLXXXI

Watchcat Headquarters and Watchcat Nemo agreed that the sea lion and Proxy Nemo would be able to guard their assigned sector properly in Summer 2014.  Just to be sure, however, Watchcat Nemo checked on them periodically:

Watchcat protocol DLXXX

Backup watchcats sometimes play an unsung role just before guard duty.  One day in May 2016, Blue Cat, the backup watchcat, woke up primary watchcat Sammy to tell him it was almost time for his shift:

Watchcat protocol DLXXIX

Senior watchcats are entitled to two specific perks--a chinrest while on guard duty...

...and periodic brushing, at the watchcat's request:

Watchcat Headquarters fulfilled both of its obligations to Watchcat Sammy in Spring 2017.

Watchcat protocol DLXXVIII

Not everyone realizes how multifaceted a watchcat's job is.  Watchcats don't just provide security.  They also tell your fortune, if you ask them:

October 2001: Watchcats Sammy and Rosie serve as security guards--and oracles.

Watchcat protocol DLXXVII

Watchcat Headquarters always appreciates it when watchcats throw their whole selves into their agility training:

Spring 2012: Watchcat Sylvia shows Watchcat Headquarters that her reflexes are fast.

Watchcat protocol DLXXVI

Watchcats Sammy and Rosie didn't expect any intruders within their assigned sector in July 2004, but they still kept an eye on the place:

Those fun, dangerous days of yore

In the early '80s, I would spend each July 4 with my neighbors across the street.  With a family of seven kids, there was never any shortage of activity going on.  Although I always enjoyed lighting smoke bombs and shooting off Roman candles, a highlight of the evening was Mrs. E. handing each of us a lighted sparkler.  We'd each take our sparkler and run one lap around the house with it.  In retrospect, it was fun, exhilarating--and something I'd never do today.  As much as I enjoyed that carefree feeling of setting off fireworks and running around with a sparkler once a year, I feel lucky not to have tripped and burned myself.

I just paused to remember some of those times, and suddenly, it was 1983 again.  Now, I'm back in the present, realizing that it's 2020 and those seven kids are now adults with a great many kids of their own.  Despite the pandemic and a changed world, I hope all of them are enjoying their Independence Day today.  I hope they're all having fun--and staying safe.

A linguistic irritant CIX

"Indubitably," to me, is one of the clunkiest-sounding words.  The only context in which it sounds melodic and perfectly placed is at the end of the Schoolhouse Rock tune, "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here."

Otherwise, it's best to just stick with "certainly" or "without a doubt."

Watchcat protocol DLXXV

Does Watchcat Sammy's countenance persuade you not to go past the authorized area in his assigned sector?  If not, what about his increasingly stern countenance here?  Does that make you reconsider?

February 2006: Watchcat Sammy meant it when he said no unauthorized visitors were allowed in his assigned hallway.

Watchcat protocol DLXXIV

Watchcat Headquarters trains its watchcats to strike a defensive pose when it's appropriate.  Watchcat Collette put this training to use on June 28, 2020: