Finishing the sentence XLVII

One of my unfinished sentences and some responses it elicited in late 1988:

When you aren't looking, it creeps into your conscience and causes you to perceive things as you wish them to be.  It is...

...the unfelt state between a sleepy, dreamy area and being awake. (Chris E.)

...lust. (Fran H.)

...contentment. (Betsy B.)

...sugar-free chocolate pudding. (Cherice L.)

You're welcome?

In the '80s, I remember reading about a local sign that had to be removed.  It read, "Welcome To...," followed by the name of the town.  The sign had to be taken down, however, because the greeting appeared on both sides of the sign. 

We all make mistakes.  Not many of us have made that one, however.

One of the best compliments...

...you can give people, in my opinion, is "Thank you for being you."  It summarizes a wide-ranging appreciation of a person's positive qualities effectively and concisely.  During a prayer after someone has passed away, it express gratitude for the positive way a person lived his or her life.

This thought is especially appropriate for Memorial Day, I believe.

Recurring workplace humor

Once, after noticing how hard a co-worker at a previous job was working but not always receiving credit for it, I told him, in a deadpan monotone, "Whatever you're doing, it's not enough."  The co-worker picked up immediately on my deliberate irony, and for years after that, when either of us tackled the work of three people, one of us would tell the other, "Whatever you're doing, it's not enough."

I still think that's an effective way of saying, "Not everyone realizes or acknowledges how hard you work, so I will."

Time for a delicious, hastily improvised lunch...

There's nothing like an impromptu lunch of strawberries, yogurt, and a bit of cheddar cheese. 

When a storm is about to hit, perishable food suddenly seems as precious as gold.  I might get pelted by hail and have to drive through a monsoon tonight, but I'll be damned if I don't get to eat my 50 cents worth of that cherry vanilla yogurt...

Thanks for the pity?

Years ago, after conducting a long survey over the phone for a market research company, I thanked the participant for her time.  I still remember her response.

"Well, I wouldn't have done it," she said, "but everybody's got to make a living."

Looking back, I wonder how many other participants felt that way but didn't say so.

"We must be adults. We're shaking hands."

One of my high school teachers observed that when people visit their high school while they're in college, everyone shakes hands more than they ordinarily would.

"It's as if everyone thinks, 'We are grown now, and shaking hands is what grown people do.'"

I hadn't thought about that until he mentioned it, but he's right.

Finishing the sentence XLVI

Another unfinished sentence I wrote and its responses from May 1989:

If a 30-year-old stage in a renowned theater was personified, one of its most significant comments would probably be...

..."If it weren't for me, you all wouldn't be here." (Michelle T.)

..."Don't say, 'Macbeth,' in here!" (Shawn R.)

..."Clean your shoes, and don't wear a skirt!" (Julie F.)

..."I've seen so much pretend that I don't know what's real." (Leigh M.)

Finishing the sentence XLV

Another unfinished sentence of mine from May 1989 and some of its responses:

According to Pozzo, a character in Samuel Beckett's Waiting For Godot, "crying is a universal quality.  Whenever someone stops, somewhere else someone else starts.  The same is true of the laugh..."  However, one time when everyone would (seemingly) cry or laugh in unison is...

...(cry) when everyone discovers their true nature. (Don M.)

...(laugh) when we all realize how fake people really are. (Sue A.)

...(cry) when the last tree is cut down. (Nick K.)

...(laugh) when everyone here figures out that most of the things we think are important in this world are not important at all. (Kelly G.)

...(cry) when we finally, permanently and irrevocably pollute (or nuke) this earth to such a degree that all life will end. (Betsy B.)

...(laugh) when we all realize that we all do the same things that are embarrassing. (Eric C.)

...(cry) when music disappears from the earth. (Chris A.)

Truth in advertising? III

I saw a print ad recently that promoted a medication as "the diarrhea medicine you love."

If a student had written that ad for a class, his or her teacher should have handed it back to the student with "Try again," written in red at the top of the page.

A nod to Michigan J. Frog

One of our family cats, Sammy, has an uncanny routine.  Before and after being filmed, he'll meow or howl up a storm.  Typically, however, he seldom meows whenever I start taking video footage of him.  Lately, when looking at video footage I've recorded, I'll start feeling nostalgic for moments that weren't captured.

"Ah," I'll say.  "I remember when Sammy let out several happy meows while being brushed.  Of course, that was before I started recording.  Then, after I stopped recording, he walked up the stairs to the landing and started howling loud enough so most of the building could hear him.  Good times..."

As several people have pointed out, cats are a lot like kids when it comes to recording video.

Spring 2017: Sammy pauses to enjoy being brushed.  Just before this photo was taken, he had set up a podium.  After this photo was taken, he stood behind it and recited a stirring excerpt from the Declaration Of Independence.  Take my word for it.

Finishing the sentence XLIV

In high school and college, on rare occasions, I'd write an unfinished sentence consisting of only one word.  This minimalist approach elicited some interesting responses in April 1989:

Time...

...is the force behind everyone's actions. (Bill R.)

...is like the other three dimensions, except we cannot move through it freely. (Ed W.)

...can be wonderful, but generally, it just drags on. (Sue A.)

...is weird, when you really stop and think about it.  It never stops.  Every person's time ends somewhere and (at) some time. (Carmen R.)

...is really just a state of mind that, one you get over it, you can be in the past or future.  Time is intangible but rules people's lives when it really does not have the power to.  People let themselves be ruled by the clock. (Mike B.)

Finishing the sentence XLIII

Here's another unfinished sentence I wrote and some responses it elicited in 1993:

The whole thing got started one day when the messenger blew the message out of proportion.  Consequently...

...there was a big fire, and NBC got the conclusion to its new miniseries. (Jeff B.)

...the male elders promoted scripture as the "Gospel truth" rather than as a creative epic like Gone With The Wind, and that's how this whole God thing took over humanity. (Frank B.)

...Rhode Island was deemed worthy of statehood, rather than the mere county status that it had requested. (Liz F.)

Finishing the sentence XLII

Another one of my unfinished sentences and its responses from 1993:

On a brighter note...

...none of my favorite cartoonists are taking "sabbaticals" right now. (Tre B.)

...Frito-Lay decided to scrap plans for the new "Rat Lungs" snack food. (Chris S.)

...we haven't blown ourselves up yet, and there are still four-leaf clovers to be found if you're willing to look long enough. (Tava S.)

Best to stay current

I knew someone who said her dentist liked to get to know his patients.  He kept a file of index cards on each patient; on each card, he wrote one non-dental fact about the patient's interests.  That's a good idea--except that, according to one patient, he never updated the cards.  During her first visit, the dentist asked her, "What's an interest or pursuit of yours these days?"  She answered, "I've considered joining the Peace Corps."  He wrote that on her index card, and at the beginning of each appointment for years, he would always ask her, "So, still thinking about joining the Peace Corps?"  Her mother, who was also a patient, told the dentist she liked watching old movies at a local theater.  For years afterward, the dentist would begin each appointment by saying, "I hear Casablanca (or another old movie) is playing at The Plaza."  If taken to extremes, I could see how failing to update the index cards, especially for patients who go many years without seeing the dentist, would make some appointments awkward. (i.e. "So, have your kids all made the transition from crawling to walking yet?  I know you enjoy charting their progress."  "Um, yes.  They've been walking for many years now.  In fact, they're all pursuing their master's degrees.")

Heeding the housecat's roar

I suspect all housecats, at least part of the time, see themselves as lions.  In this photo from July 2009, my cat, Sylvia, appears to be roaring:

Actually, she was just yawning.  Still, I don't doubt that even the most humble housecats see themselves as huge, ferocious creatures, at least now and then.

A valid comparison

"You know, this is like Linus with his blanket."

--A finishing-the-sentence contributor in college, upon my asking for an answer to an unfinished sentence I'd written; I can't say his comparison to the "Peanuts" character was wrong.

Finishing the sentence XLI

Another one of my unfinished sentences and some responses it elicited in the early '90s:

A philosophy for all occasions is...

..."It's his/her fault." (Keith T.)

..."Truth is a thinly veiled insult." (Colin S.)

..."Never sacrifice comfort for style." (Karen B.)

..."Once again, the sun managed to come up this morning, and once again, it will tomorrow." (Michael M.)

..."The only difference between life and death is that you only understand the first one." (Neil S.)

Finishing the sentence XL

One of my unfinished sentences and some of its responses from early 1988:

The best defense against ignorance is...

...a big stick! (Elizabeth M.)

...a soft voice. (Paul H.)

...a friendly pit bull or earmuffs and blinders. (Marci S.)

...appreciation of the outdoors. (Will S.)

Finishing the sentence XXXIX

Back to the '90s for another unfinished sentence of mine and its responses:

The third item on an eccentric's grocery list is usually...

...uncooked pizza dough (whole wheat.) (Charlotte O.)

...Tiger Balm. (Rachel N.)

...a diamond tiara. (Amy S.)

Finishing the sentence XXXVIII

An unfinished sentence I wrote and its responses from September 1988:

When everything seems frivolous and meaningless, the victim should overcome the feeling by closing his or her eyes and...

...turning up your favorite music really loud and losing yourself in it. (Robyn R.)

...focus on his/her favorite hobby and get to be one of the best in the field. (Rachel P.)

...taking long, controlled breaths, thus cleansing the mind and returning to the source of life. (Jason F.)

...think that, unlike an immortal, you don't have to endure it for eternity. (Chris A.)

...think that you'll be different--the only one with his/her eyes open. (Eric P.)

...(doing) nothing.  I do think everything is frivolous and meaningless. (John O.)

Finishing the sentence XXXVII

Here's an unfinished sentence I wrote and some of its responses from February 1992:

One obstacle that seems insurmountable but later turns out to be surprisingly easy to overcome is...

...public speaking. (Christina K.)

...driving an automobile. (Eric E.)

...growing up. (Cindy D.)

...fear of flying. (Leanne A.)

...meeting new people. (Angie F.)

...our own sense of limitation of ourselves and our love for others. (Colin S.)

...learning to live on four hours of sleep.  It's not that bad, once you learn the secret to getting by on four hours is to sleep more. (Miranda G.)

...sudden and shocking disappointment.  You just kind of expect it after a while, which is depressing, but oh well... (Jenni S.)

The practicality of geometry?

On Sunday, I wrote about my struggles with high school geometry.  My battle with that subject began in seventh grade, though.  My math class had delved into a chapter on geometry, and much of it didn't make sense to me.  I consulted my dad for help, and he became frustrated with my inability to grasp what he was talking about.

"You just have to visualize this," he said.  "You have to see the logic.  Now, suppose I wanted to fill the kitchen with marbles..."

That segue and visual still make me laugh, all these years later.

Truth in advertising? II

Maybe my palate just isn't adventurous enough, but the grocery store label that read, "Squid Salad--Deli Oddities," made me refrain from buying an assortment of food I'd never tasted.  So, was I prudent or presumptuous?  Both, I suspect...

A skill with limited applications

Thank goodness that real life doesn't require you to solve geometric proofs.  Geometry class gave me fits when I took it 30 years ago and still strikes me as uncomfortably abstract.  I'm thankful that I don't have to prove triangles congruent in order to make a living, or I'd starve.

Finishing the sentence XXXVI

This is an unfinished sentence I wrote and some responses it elicited in November 1988:

Tranquility prevails throughout the land.  However, an ominous darkness soon appears among the clouds.  The thunder roars as lightning flashes on and off.  To the careful observer, such conditions symbolize...

...that no matter how good someone is, the rain falls on the just as well as the unjust.  (Rusty G.)

...that Art Of Noise is about to perform "Dragnet." (Scott S.)

...the closing down of the McDonald's restaurants across America. (Leigh M.)

Finishing the sentence XXXV

Sometimes, the simplest unfinished sentences I wrote elicited the widest range of responses.  Here's one such sentence and its responses from the early '90s:

On second thought,...

...who is going to wash the dishes? (Michelle T.)

...I guess I am the master of my universe, and I am in control of the choices I make, thus being responsible for the consequences. (David R.)

...why should you match pairs of socks--when they'll eventually become "lone socks?"  Uh, never mind... (Roberta M.)

...let's not have people over.  It may scare the dog. (Doug D.)

Finishing the sentence XXXIV

An unfinished sentence I wrote and some responses it received in the early '90s:

Nobody ever told me...

...why it always seems warm during a heavy snow. (Chip C.)

...that spaghetti turns BLUE when left in the fridge for two months.  YUCK! (Jenni S.)

...that there isn't any gain with some of the pain that comes with life. (Tim N.)

As challenging as mastering the skill...

For anyone who has a juggling act, it must be almost as challenging to come up with banter that stretches your routine into a full-fledged act as it is to juggle items without dropping them.  Otherwise, a juggler's act basically consists of him or her saying, "Look! I can juggle three oranges (or knives or chainsaws)," proving it, and then, the show's over.  Michael Davis, a juggler who appeared on "Saturday Night Live" in the early '80s, was adept at keeping the audience entertained, not only with his juggling but with the monologues he performed before, during, and after keeping various items in the air.  Juggling and bantering while juggling are peculiar skills to have, but the select few who master both aspects of the act can apparently have a successful career.

Finishing the sentence XXXIII

An unfinished sentence of mine and some of its responses from October 1988:

An aura of indifference is the best defense when confronted with someone who constantly...

...sings in the wrong key. (Marci S.)

...asks, "Why are you in such a bad mood?" (Jason M.)

...endeavors to force you to take a moral stand on an issue which is completely meaningless to you. (Jason F.)

Finishing the sentence XXXII

Here's another unfinished sentence I wrote and the responses it elicited in the early '90s:

The 158th bizarre quirk about human nature that leaves me in a puzzled daze is...

...the ability to rationalize anything, most often used to justify the continuation of behavior that is destructive to self and others.  Example: Even a monster like Hitler thought he was doing a good job.  This trait obviously isn't conducive to the perpetuation of our genome, now, is it? (Randy R.)

...their tendency to slip a huge thought into a superficial conversation. (Karen B.)

...the inability of people to do the easy thing when a harder thing is available. (Chip C.)

...people who couldn't give a @#&* about the rest of the world assume they are being watched with passionate interest. (Michael M.)

...no one recognizes or likes their own voice upon hearing a recording of it. (Sean B.)

...Why is black licorice an acquired taste?  Is red licorice so different? (Liz F.)

...human kindness, in the midst of telemarketers and a shifting economy. (Paul I.)