Watchcat protocol CXXXVII

Alert eyes?  Check.  Fast paws?  Check.  A post from which to stake out intruders?  Check.  This hat trick of qualities summarizes the essence of a commendable watchcat:

Early 2018: Nemo, ready for watchcat duty.

Watchcat protocol CXXXVI

Everyone feels tired at one time or another.  Per Watchcat Headquarters, however, any watchcat working a solo shift must keep at least one eye open at all times:

December 2004: Watchcat Rosie keeps one eye open while on the job.

Watchcat protocol CXXXV

It's appropriate, when watchcats desire it, to reward them for service well rendered with a considerate brushing:

December 24, 2012: Watchcat Rosie enjoys spa-like treatment, complete with brushing.

Watchcat protocol CXXXIV

As a watchcat, you hope you'll never have to confront anyone with a tiger tail weapon, but just in case it's necessary...:

2011: Watchcat Sylvia, ready to admonish intruders with a tiger tail.

Watchcat protocol CXXXIII

Watchcats are diligent about making sure that no one makes off with your freshly washed clothes:

November 2008: Watchcat Sylvia, guarding the laundry on the clothes line from her countertop station.

Watchcat protocol CXXXII

Although it might sound decadent, one of a watchcat's lesser known responsibilities is checking the record player and replacing the stylus when it wears out:

November 2016: Sylvia inspects a turntable.

Watchcat protocol CXXXI

If you celebrate Christmas, you'll want your Christmas tree and ceramic houses to be lit up properly.  Watchcats are trained to check that everything is plugged in correctly and will replace burned out bulbs when necessary:

December 2003: Watchcat Rosie checks under the Christmas tree to make sure everything is lit up properly.

Watchcat protocol CXXX

No matter how much of a weary, jaded watchcat you become, you're never too old to believe in Santa:

December 2011: Watchcat Sylvia confers with Santa.

Watchcat protocol CXXIX

At first glance, this photo from 2014 might convince you that Watchcat Sylvia was taking a break:

As she explained to Watchcat Headquarters, however, everything was actually in order.  She was awake, had a watchrabbit backup with her, and kept a Boomerang Buddy banana toy nearby for a weapon, if needed:

When courtesy matters

I've visited salad bars many times, and this had never happened to me before:

As I was almost finished selecting various items for my salad today, the person putting various salad items into their bins told me, "I just want to say I appreciate you choosing your items so carefully."

I told her, "I don't want to be that guy who says, 'Well, here I am at the salad bar.  I'd better close my eyes, start flinging pieces of egg everywhere, and put tongs face down in the onions.'"

She replied, "Unfortunately, a lot of people do it that way.  I appreciate (that you're not doing that.)"

It's good to know that courtesy makes a difference to people sometimes.

Watchcat protocol CXXVIII

Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's permissible for watchcats to enjoy the wonder of a Christmas tree while still surveying their surroundings.  Watchcat Sammy illustrated this on Christmas Day in 2007:

Only in college X

During a class I took sophomore year, I was surprised when the instructor said that we had to use seven sources for a paper, but they could only be books.  We weren't allowed to use newspaper or magazine articles because "journalists can be unreliable sometimes."

That was an odd restriction to put on an assignment in a pre-journalism class of aspiring journalists.

Watchcat protocol CXXVII

Want to make sure no one runs off with your Christmas tree?  Hire a watchcat:

December 2005: Watchcat Sammy prevents intruders from escaping with the evergreen.

A linguistic irritant LXXI

I know it's well-intentioned, but it's usually silly for a greeting card to predict that next year will be "your best year ever."  There are too many variables dependent upon chance there, and after all, you're still the same person at your core.

Watchcat protocol CXXVI

When you work with another watchcat, be considerate when (s)he needs a break.  In December 2012, for instance, Rosie needed to rest, so Sammy stayed alert:

Later, Sammy needed to clean himself, so Rosie stayed alert:

That's what watchcat teamwork is about.

Watchcat protocol CXXV

Sometimes, a judge will pull double duty as a watchcat.  A kick toy comes in handy, as the cat can use it as a gavel or a weapon:

December 2015: Judge/Watchcat Sammy holds court while monitoring the safety conditions of his assigned sector.

Watchcat protocol CXXIV

Even after receiving Christmas gifts, a watchcat is still expected to remain vigilant and keep an eye on her surroundings:

December 25, 2005: Watchcat Rosie keeps watch over the living room after receiving her Christmas gifts.

Watchcat protocol CXXIII

If you're a proxy watchcat, expect your mentor watchcat to check in on you now and then.  It's important to ensure that safety standards are being met:

December 2016: Watchcat Sylvia checks to make sure that Proxy Sylvia is at her post.

Watchcat protocol CXXII

Even though I'm not a cat, Watchcat Headquarters permitted me to sub for Sylvia while she took a nap.  It was Christmas, after all:

Christmas 2010: Watchcats need to rest and recharge now and then.  Sylvia settles in for a long Winter's nap.

Watchcat protocol CXXI

When receiving a gift of a green Christmas sock, a watchcat must sniff it to make sure there are no traces of explosives:

Then, and only then, the watchcat may claim ownership of the gift while staying on duty:

December 24, 2011: Watchcat Sammy claims his green Christmas sock while on duty.

Watchcat protocol CXX

You can have the peace of mind of knowing that your Christmas tree is safe--if you hire the right watchcats.  On Christmas Day 2006, watchcats Sammy and Rosie were on duty.  Sammy alerted Rosie when he saw anything suspicious, and Rosie acted on Sammy's tips:

A linguistic irritant LXX

Although I've seen it happen more often on sitcoms than in real life, it irritates me when someone says, "I'm here to tell you..."

I know you're here.  Just tell me, please.

Watchcat protocol CXIX

Even Santa Claus is subject to a watchcat's seal of approval.  On Christmas Day in 2013, watchcats Rosie and Sammy inspected the gifts Santa had left:

Watchcat protocol CXVIII

Because mayhem can strike at any time, even on Christmas Day, watchcats still do a bit of agility training on December 25.  Because it's a holiday, however, the session is shorter than usual, and watchcats get to choose their favorite holiday-themed toys with which to train:

December 25, 2003: Watchcat Sammy chose this snowman toy for his Christmas Day agility training session.

Truth in advertising? XXVIII

I remember a help wanted newspaper ad from the '90s that touted, "No elevator music in this office!"  While that might have been true, the lack of a job description should have made potential applicants leery.  What job seeker thinks, "I don't care what type of work it is, as long as there's no Muzak?"

Watchcat protocol CXVII

Sometimes, a watchcat will become sleepy on the job.  Per Watchcat Headquarters, occasional naps are permitted as long as the proxy backup watchcat stays awake:

July 2017: Proxy Nemo surveys the scene while Watchcat Nemo takes a quick nap.

Watchcat protocol CXVI

Don't let a watchcat or proxy watchcat's relatively relaxed pose fool you.  They're still on the job, watching for any sudden moves:

December 2016:  Watchcat Sylvia and Proxy Watchcat Sylvia, seemingly relaxed but as alert as ever.

Watchcat protocol CXV

Here are the three stages of posing for a magazine photo shoot as a watchcat, per Rosie in December 2010:

Stage 1: Show the orange side of your profile while sitting on a grocery bag.

Stage 2: Show the black side of your profile while continuing to sit on a grocery bag.

Stage 3: Continue sitting on the grocery bag while insisting, "My brother might be falling asleep on the job, but I'm not.  I've got this, I'm telling you!"

Watchcat protocol CXIV

Even though the folder was empty, and I'd read the magazine, Sylvia still kept watch over these items in 2011:

That's a considerate watchcat.

Watchcat protocol CXIII

Even in the midst of Christmas festivities, watchcats take time to check tap water for impurities:

2013: Nemo displays yet another facet of being a watchcat.

Watchcat protocol CXII

How do you show authority as a watchcat?  Per Watchcat Headquarters, it's permissible for watchcats to station themselves in director's chairs:

2002: The director's chair gives Watchcat Rosie an added air of authority.

A linguistic irritant LXIX

Given its inherent haughtiness and pretentiousness, the word, "deem," should be used sparingly, if ever.  After all, how do most people react when anyone tells them, "I deem this acceptable?"  While they might be pleased that the verdict is favorable, who wouldn't think, "That's an off-putting, high-and-mighty way of telling me you're pleased with this?"

Watchcat protocol CXI

Watchcat Headquarters allows watchcats to wear sandals, provided that they can move quickly in them, when needed.  In 2002, Watchcat Sammy tested a pair of sandals:

These sandals passed the test, and Sammy sometimes wore them on the job.

Watchcat protocol CX

Here's another not-so-obvious responsibility watchcats have.  During slow times, watchcats are expected to see that all packages being mailed from their residence contain sufficient amounts of bubble wrap:

May 2002: Watchcat Sammy confirms that a package contains sufficient insulation.

A linguistic irritant LXVIII

I've always found the phrase, "beside myself," silly.  Why not just say you were stunned or perplexed?   A former co-worker used to mock that expression, saying, "I was beside myself, standing right next to myself," or "I was beside myself.  There were two of me."

Watchcat protocol CIX

When your sea lion needs to take a break from guard duty, it's important to have a backup on hand.  In this case, there were two backups--Nemo and Proxy Nemo:

Summer 2014: Nemo and Proxy Nemo step in as watchcats while the sea lion takes a break.

A linguistic irritant LXVII

Last month, I had to go to the emergency room.  I kept telling the staff there that I had an emergency situation.  I kept repeating the words, "emergency situation."  I had a longer wait than expected because, as one of the staff members said, "If you have time to keep referring to your allergic reaction as an emergency situation instead of an emergency, you have time to wait a little longer."

Actually, that's not what happened.  The staff was very polite and professional and got me into a room after just a short wait.  I never used the words, "emergency situation," either.  If had, though, I wonder if my wait would have been longer. 

At least some emergency room staffers must grit their teeth when patients keep referring to an emergency as an emergency situation.

Watchcat protocol CVIII

Here's a task I bet you didn't know was a watchcat's responsibility--checking decorative wooden cats to make sure they aren't coated with polyurethane.  Here's Sylvia inspecting some wooden cats in 2015:

Once she saw that the wooden cats didn't contain a toxic chemical coating, she was able to relax:

Virtually every job, including a watchcat's, requires more special skills than meets the eye.

Truth in advertising? XXVII

It amuses me when a commercial melodramatically promotes a sale as "the chance of a lifetime."  In my view, that phrase is best saved for major life events, such as getting into a particular college, doing research that leads to a vaccine, or starting your own business.  A 50% off sale on flat screen TVs doesn't--or at least shouldn't--fall into the chance-of-a-lifetime category.

Watchcat protocol CVII (Thanksgiving edition)

A watchcat is allowed to take a nap, provided her substitute watchturkey has been vetted and cleared for duty:

November 2013: Watchcat Sylvia naps while a watchturkey fills in.

Witch cat watchcat protocol XI (Thanksgiving edition)

Want to make sure no one walks off with your turkey on a pumpkin?  Ask three witch cats to guard it:

2013: Three witch cats watch over their assigned turkey.

Truth in advertising? XXVI

The whole "Stove Top Stuffing instead of potatoes" conundrum always struck me as an odd, contrived idea--much like the dilemma a seventh grade student posed in my Speech/Drama class 35 years ago. She urged people, if they couldn't decide whether to get a pet or a plant, to adopt a pet.  While I don't disagree with her conclusion, I'd never heard anyone say, "Should I get a parakeet or a poinsettia?  I'm so on the fence."

Truth in advertising? XXV

As we all become less accustomed to waiting for anything, it's probably smart that one TV network takes this approach when showing commercials online: In the corner of the screen, a small notice reads, "This ad supports (our network.)"  As long as it's subtle, it can't hurt to remind viewers, "Yes, people don't chomp at the bit to see commercials, but this show wouldn't be on the air without them; just bear with us."

Watchcat protocol CVI

If you're observant, you'll notice a watchcat in the museum, keeping an eye on the sculptures:

December 2003: Sammy during his museum watchcat days.

Watchcat protocol CV

When you order a watchcat, you hope it will arrive in time.  In this case, it did:

November 2003: Watchcat Sammy begins his shift after just arriving in the mail.

Watchcat protocol CIV

An occupational hazard: When watchcats stare too intently at keys or at watchcats who are staring intently at keys, they may develop poltergeist eyes.  The condition is temporary, however, and shouldn't get in the way of carrying out watchcat responsibilities:

October 2008: Due to the allure of keys, watchcats Sammy and Rosie start developing poltergeist eyes.

Watchcat protocol CIII

I would be curious to know the exact wording of the instructions Sammy received from Watchcat Headquarters here; perhaps they were, "It's a slow day, but we have word there's a bug or possibly a piece of dust near the center of the black metal decorative piece:"

October 2006: Watchcat Sammy, inspecting what was likely a nonexistent threat, per Watchcat Headquarters.

Watchcat protocol CII

When a watchcat is looking up at something suspicious, who watches the watchcat?  Another watchcat, of course:

October 2008: Watchcat Sammy looks up after having seen someone jingle some keys moments earlier.  Watchcat Rosie keeps an eye on Watchcat Sammy, in case he gets too distracted.

Watchcat protocol CI

Unless it's part of an agility training course, a watchcat must resist the allure of a Cat Dancer toy while on duty:

October 2008: Watchcat Nemo, not giving into the temptation to play with the Cat Dancer.